BILLINGSGATE POST - SPECIAL EDITION - Due to the number and content of the letters responding to yesterday's article titled "President Obama Diagnosed With Terminal Chicken Lips," BILLINGSGATE POST will dedicate today's article to publishing letters from irate readers and the responses to them:
Dear Dr. Billingsgate: Chicken lips, my ass! How can you insinuate that Barack has chicken lips? Have you checked out Mitt Romney's lips? They are absolutely classic Leghorn Foghorn. You would have been better advised to comment on my husband's buccal fat pads....The First Lady
Dear First Lady: You may have a point. Romney's chicken lips make Barack's lips appear simian by comparison. Your comment regarding your husband's cute buccal fat pads is well taken. Thank you for your letter....Dr. B
Dear Dr. Billingsgate: We know who you are and where you live. If you think that you can continue to dehumanize Barack Obama by anthropomorphizing him, you don't understand the natural food chain, and you live in a make believe world that only Joe Biden can understand.....Janet Napolitano
Dear Janet: Billingsgate also knows who you are and where you live. If you think that you can intimidate a veteran and cold war warrior with your threats, you don't understand your enemy either...Dr. B
Dear Dr. Billingsgate: You are a low life son-of-a-bitch for calling my husband a slack jawed, chicken lipped killer of unarmed chickens and pigs. My husband said those animals were armed to the teeth, and they knew that they shouldn't have been in the village which he torched with a Ronson lighter, not a Zippo.......Teresa Heinz "57 Varieties" Kerry
Dear Teresa, I understand where you are coming from, and I empathize with you completely. However, I stand by my sources, Foghorn Leghorn and Porky Pig, who say they were unarmed at the time. The fog of war might have made identification of the lighter questionable....Dr.B
NOTE: These letters were published as a public service to those who took the time to vent their spleen on Dr. Billingsgate. Although edited for brevity, the content can only be assumed to be from ascribed sources.