Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Mitt Romney appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight and talked with Morgan about the 2012 presidential campaign and his running mate Paul Ryan.

PIERS: Good evening Mitt, and how the bloody 'ell are ya?

ROMNEY: I'm good Piers. But let me remind you that I am a Mormon, a Republican, and a resident of Massachusetts, so I do not like anyone cursing in my presence.

PIERS: Well why the bloomin' 'ell not? I mean it's not like you're the pope, Billy Graham, or Doris Day for goodness sakes.

ROMNEY: Ah Mr. Morgan do you have a question for me?

PIERS: You bet your collection of six hair dryers I do. You recently released your income tax statement from 2011, but you have yet to release your statements from 2010, 2009, 2008, and 2007, like President Obama has asked you to do.

ROMNEY: Okay...and your point is...

PIERS: My point is what the blimey 'ell are you trying to hide?

ROMNEY: Mr. Morgan I asked you to stop cussing in front of me. My wife is watching this show in one of our multi-million dollar mansions and I do not want her to hear your horrendous language.

PIERS: You want horrendous language Hairdo Dude? Why do you hate the elderly, the poor, the homeless, and Ron Paul?

ROMNEY: I don't hate Ron Paul. In fact, I think that he is probably one of the funniest politicians we have ever had - and to be honest he is way funnier than jerks like Tracy Morgan, Gilbert Gottfried, Dane Cook, and Jeff Ross.

PIERS: Fair enough. Now let me ask you about the 47 percent comment you made recently.

ROMNEY: Shoot.

PIERS: That is my point precisely. Reliable sources have informed me that the figure was actually 46 percent and the reason that you went with the number 47 was because of the fact that, that group is more prone to have access to AK-47's and you are trying to scare the undecided voters into voting for you.

ROMNEY: Bullfeathers!

PIERS: So euphemisms are okay now I guess?

ROMNEY: What the heck is a euphemism?

PIERS: Let me turn to Paul Ryan, your choice of vice presidential running mate, who has more nicknames than Sarah "Snowflake" Palin.

ROMNEY: No he doesn't.

PIERS: I beg to differ. Many people, even members of the GOP are asking if Lyin' Ryan is the best choice that you could have possibly made.

ROMNEY: Well Piers, let me put it this way. I will concede that Pauly may not have been the best choice, but he was one of the few choices that was available. Some of the others, at the top of the list, had prior commitments. And please do not refer to him as Lyin' Ryan, he is very sensitive.

PIERS: Okay fair enough old chap. Then let me refer to him by some of his other nicknames such as Eddie Munster, Little Bunny Foo Foo, Skippy, and Beaver Cleaver.

ROMNEY: Mr. Morgan I think that if you are going to make fun of my vice presidential candidate then I am going to end this interview right now.

PIERS: Go right ahead Mr. Flip-Flopper, I guess then that Vice-President Joe Biden is right and you do have the earmarks of a quitter just like Sarah "The Loose Moose" Palin when she quit her governor's job in the middle of her term.

ROMNEY: Go back to England Mr. Morgan.

PIERS: And you, Mitt the Twit, can go back to Mexico.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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