Written by K.C. Bell
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Saturday, 1 September 2012

image for Why That Wasn't A Clint Eastwood Train Wreak

Word is leaking out, in a trickle down sort of way, that it wasn't an intentional train wreak performance by actor Clint Eastwood at the Republican convention, but a secret, undercover Democratic plot, intentionally executed by a closet Democrat, and successfully carried out to sabotage the Romney candidacy.

No way!

Did anyone notice: Nobody is talking about Romney's speech? But everyone is talking about Goofy and the empty chair. The halftime Chrysler commercial during the Super Bowl was the real Democratic Eastwood, but his protestations claiming he was really, really a Republican, welcomed him into their inner circle, (infiltrating the enemy zone) and finally propelled him onto the stage at the Republican convention; script unread. Bingo! Mission accomplished!

Say it ain't so, Josey Wales!

Romney was described to have been roaring with laughter backstage at the seemingly rambling and distasteful monologue, but Mrs. Romney's face dropped to the floor.

No more a smiling, "We built it." Instead: You people screwed up this convention and my turn to be in the White House!

Someone finally had the good sense to give Mr. Eastwood the red light, but being devoted to his duty and his mission, (to give Obama another four years in the White House) he decided to ignore it.

Pass the mushrooms, maybe?

With seven children from five different women, two of whom he married, (Hello?) how could the party of family values believe he was anything else but a spy, double agent, mole, nark, snoop?

Well, ain't that a kick in the head!

Not satisfied with the Citizens United millions filling up the Republican coffers, the Republicans are planning to auction off the empty chair on E-bay. Clint Eastwood volunteered to be the auctioneer, but wiser heads said, "NO."

Imagine that!

In a few days, candidate Romney will probably announce that Mr. Eastwood's words were not the ones he would have chosen. Words? What about his hand motion?

Mr. Eastwood will confess he was suffering from jet lag, eye strain, lost his speech, decided to wing it. Yes, he is voting for Romney.

And the speech?

"I built it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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