Written by Inchcock
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Monday, 10 September 2012

image for My Senior Moments for W/E: 9th September 2012 Saturday: Got appointment for hospital visit today.

Monday 3rd September

* Gawd heavens... new pains in groin today.

* Went over to see the lovely Margaret. She seemed a little less tired today. Walked her home, and I invested in some Health lottery tickets... I am a fool, as if I stood a chance... huh!

* No walks today, spent ages on laptop, burnt another saucepan, and dropped then stood on a tomato.

* By gum life's exciting!

Tuesday 4th September

* Up around 0430hrs, groin still painful but me other ailments seemed okay, so can't complain.

* Did diaries early, cause I didn't know how long I'll be at the hospital this morning. Having weekly INR blood level tests, and got to have a scan of some sort, before they can arrange for the camera and laser to go down to have a look at me stomach.

* Took me medications, but realised too late that I'd took a water-tablet - that could be painful if i need to go while en route on me walk to hospital.

* Put some potatoes in the oven in readiness to take em with me on me walk to the QMC later. Did not, I say not... burn them.

* Set off on walk to the QMC... as far as Lidl store, (about third of a mile) where I realised I'd left me Haematology log at home, so returned to get it.

* Set off again, after about 45minutes I needed to go at both ends - and boy did I suffer in the final 40 minutes to get to the hospital; I shot to the gents, only to find they had been changed to Female Only Use... A very painful search and I found some gents and disabled toilets, entered the gents but the cubicle was occupied! Went out to the disabled toilet and that was occupied. Now the bladder was causing me severe pain. I went back to the gents, still occupied. Back to the disabled and it was free... hurrah! The pain of actually passing was bad, but slowly it eased to reasonable after I'd washed me hands and gone to the Warfarin INR Blood test clinic.

* Got seen to quickly, and they phoned the Clinic on 'D' floor to tell them I was on my way up.

* There I was taken straight into an x-ray type place and had the pictures of my innards taken.

* Then to the WC again, before starting my walk home. About three quarters of the way, I needed to go again. (Memo to self - Do not forget not to take water-tablets when you know you will be going out again!)

* Went into Asda... their toilets were 'Out of Order' and locked up. Ohh dear...

* Struggled on, called in Stewart's and used his WC - agony again. The thing is I can only blame myself!

* Fetched Margaret's nosh and Stew's nibbles from home.

* Not felt so unwell as I do now for a while. Went home, made a cuppa, put up tired aching feet, of course that started off the groin, then had a dizzy spell. Took extra Codeine.

* Tried to do a bit of Spoofing, but concentration not good.


Wednesday 5th September

* Feeling a bit better this morning.

* Got some communications this morning on the web, that cheered me up no end.

* Went over to see Steward, he was in fine fettle.

* I had a walk into town to try and get two films on DVD he wanted. Tried three stores, all said there no longer produced.

* Took a photo of 'Alcatraz' school gates, as it's known locally on the way home from town, luckily for me the inmates were locked in.

Thursday 6th September

* Stomach and wind bad this morning, all other ailments seem okay. Hurray!

* Went over to see Stew, then went on a walk into Bulwell, a long walk but it dies me.. oh dear bad misspell that one... I meant 'does me' no harm apart from painful feet that is. Think it helps the ticker, and the arthritis doing a good walk four times a week or so.

* Got some cheap diddy tins of reconstituted ham, Goulash, and kitchen towels at 6 for £1.99. Little bargain hunter that I am.

* Had some baked beans and tinned sausages with plenty of Lidl's cheap special fall to pieces when you touch it wholemeal bread, me last apple, and two nice strong cuppas. (I bet the Queen would like to dine like wot I do!)

Friday 7th September

* Managed to nod off earlier last night, so was up at 0430hrs doing the diaries on the Spoof.

* Made a graphic I was well pleased with advertising the updated diaries, and put it on me facebook page.
Me facebook graphic
Took ages to get it right, but I enjoyed doing it.

* Someone knocked on the door, by the time I'd got to it they had shoved a letter through the box and gone. It was from the GP surgery, asking me to urgently get in touch with them as I have not had my Warfarin dosage from them and they could not get in touch with me - adding I must make myself available for them, to phone me at all times. Despite my having told them on many occasions that I could not hear on the phone, and have tried to get the hearing aids adjusted to no avail.
I had already received the dosage from the hospital on Wednesday, as I do each week.
I decided to call at the surgery to inform them later when I was sure they would be open.
Then a stamped letter came through the door with the dosage photo copied onto a letter from the GP surgery.
I hobbled down top the surgery, where I was promptly told off by the two receptionists and the doctor for not being available.
I explained about the hospital, but they said they had called the hospital who informed them they had not informed me? I showed them the letter informing me from the hospital.
Eventually I got the email address for the surgery, but it was typed in capitals?
Came back to the crumbling roofed hovel, and sent an email to the GP address given me (in lower case address). Hopefully they would then have my email address, and they would confirm they have mine. Heard nothing.

Saturday 8th September

* Chest pains this morning, not good at all.

* I read this on the 'Sabotage Times' on the web - brilliant!

As the Olympic stadium announcer introduced His Right Honourable George Osborne MP (Bringer of Dearth and Despair, to give him his full title) on Monday night for the Paralympic T38 400m race medal presentation, the chancellor's nervous smile gradually morphed into awkward laughter.

As the vast majority of the capacity 80,000 crowd - roughly the population of Wakefield - took part in an ad-hoc opinion poll, roundly booing his appearance, there was little else for him to do short of flipping the bird and slowly circling around.

Unsurprisingly, minimal public sympathy has since emerged for the man spearheading the government's unprecedented attack on the UK's disabled population through its ruthless, hasty changes to disability benefits.

As a couples' counsellor will always tell you, it's important to let someone know how you feel.

Sunday 9th September

* Up early (0400hrs) to do Spoof diaries.

* Chest pains not good again this morning. Concentration all over the place.

* Put some tatties on the boil, to make meal with sausages and peas for Margaret. Will take it over later to Stew's place.

* Couldn't find one of me hearing aids, it surely had to be near the one laying on the table where I left it?

* Checked my lottery ticket numbers - got one of them, checked me Health lottery ticket - got none of 'em. All normal there then.

* Went over to see Stew and Margaret, had a chinwag and a laugh or two. Seems there was a car fire opposite my abode, judging by the state of the burnt rubber etc on the pavement and road.

* Came back and did the diaries ready for the morning so I can go to launderette.

* Police called about the car-fire asking if I saw anything. Seems there was two more cars torched not far away at around a similar time. If nothing else it brought some real police officers onto the street... that might discourage the local yobs from hanging around a bit... or maybe not.

* Found my hearing aid, it had fell into me shoe!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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