Lady Gaga: Hello Jess?
Jessica Simpson: Hi Lady Gaga, how in the world have you been girlfriend?
Lady Gaga: Good, except for the fact that I have just put on 11 pounds and people are starting to ask me questions like; Are you with child? Are you eating for two? And are you hoping for a boy or a girl?
Jessica Simpson: Eleven pounds! Gosh I wish I could say that I was only eleven pounds overweight, but in my case it is more like 71.
Lady Gaga: 71! You mean that after three months you have still not lost your baby weight? Dammit it girl, you must be as big as a house.
Jessica Simpson: Thanks. I really need to hear that I am as big as a friggin house. What the hell is wrong with you? You know you've really changed lately. Ever since you got into it with Madonna and then Heidi Montag jumped on you asking if you'd had breast augmentation surgery, and then your infamous perfume meltdown, and then you imploded because American Idol picked Nicki Minaj to be a judge over you.
Lady Gaga: Well you know what chubby. You, Madonna, Montag, and Minaj can all kiss my New York City caboose.
Jessica Simpson: Hey there's no need for us to get all mad. At least we don't resemble stick women like that anorexic-looking LeAnn Rimes.
LeAnn Rimes: Well HOW-DY BITCH-ES! And how the hell are y'all doin' huh?