Back and to the Left news has discovered that nearly 34% of men and 59% of women may have been treated by a bogus DR. We discovered this during our prostate exam; our suspicions were raised when asked to leave a tip. So as responsible journalists for a number of respectable magazines (Winos Weekly to name but one) we decided to make a quick checklist to make sure you don't fall into a fake Doctors trap;
1. Are they using marigolds as surgical gloves? Marigolds are not sterile and Doctors wouldn't use them for anything but the most basic of NHS procedures. Be vigilant.
2. Is their "surgery" a toilet in McDonalds?- A easy giveaway this one, if you can see a toilet while he takes your blood pressure he probably never went to medical school.
3. Does he use his penis as a medical instrument?- A cock is not recognised by the guild of surgeons as an effective medical tool.
4. Do they steer the conversations away from their "qualifications"? When you inquire what specialist area your doctor works in, the response "all of them" is simply not good enough.
5. If they seem intent on only curing sexually related problems. If you go into the "surgery" with a sprained ankle and they ask you to get your tits out, we would advise he may be a fake.
If you follow this advice you will successfully avoid any and all fake Doctors. On a separate note; if any female readers have any boob or bottom related problems, Back and to the Left News may have a cure for that. And we promise to leave our pants on.