Written by joseph k winter
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Friday, 31 August 2012

image for Shoot Out With Wild Bill "Bibi" At The Iran Border "Just like when I was a kid"

Yesterday on the Iraq-Iran boundary, looking for the saloon Ali Baba and His Forty Daughters, intrepid Pepe Warezabar spotted what looked like stetson, Glock pistol, and belts of ammo around a large belly.

This person whirled, Glock blazing, and the dust next to Pepe's right big toe whipped up as a cautionary statement. The cowboy turned out to be Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel, dressed as Wild Bill Hickock.

"Wow, " Pepe said. "I heard you liked to come out here with your binoculars and watch across the line into Iran. Spot something?"

Again the Prime Minister locked a large pair of binoculars to his eyes and leaned toward the Iran border, phony wig and white beard under the stetson rippling in desert breezes. He grunted, which might have meant yes.

Then he passed the binoculars to Pepe pointing to the southeast, just past a sign on the Iran side which read: If you are a hiker, vacationer, or completely lost, step across that line we clap you into a dungeon and throw away the key!

Pepe gazed long and hard through the apparatus, then handed it back. "You mean that dude over there carrying a bicycle pump?"

"Incongruous," Bibi said solemnly. "Incongruity."

"Maybe his love doll needs a boost?"

"This is serious, my friend. Bicycle pump in the desert makes no sense. It suggests they're doing something. As usual. Anything incongruous we must be suspicious!"

They spun on their heels into the Ali Baba. But inside there was only a wall right behind the bar with a slat in it, opening to a pair of hands. No daughters or any semblance of the female could be found. No other customers.

"Why this disguise, Bibi? I mean you look like Wild Bill Hickock."

"That's it. This image is very popular with the Americans."

"But Bibi, let's get down to it. Even your own intelligence service, plus the CIA, says there's no case for the Iranians building nuclear weapons. Khameini is saying they don't want 'em, and he's on a campaign to eradicate nuclear weapons in the world period."

"Incongruous, I tell you. Completely incongruous."

"Yes, but incongruous with what, Bibi? I mean you got to get congruous to be convincing."

"Already got 'em. We got the American congruous! I tell you, it is solidly in our pocket. You see, what they really want-"

"You mean the American congress, Bibi?"

"They just want a little friendly cooperation as with Maliki in Iraq, and same with Libya some day, plus Yemen and Somalia. Places like that. And of course Syria if they can get enough weapons to the militants."

"Bibi, you mean along the lines of 'we can give you a carpet of gold or a carpet of bombs' as with Afghanistan back in 01? From the Bush administration?"

"That's all we want, Pepe, just a little cooperation. A little regional control! Why is that so unreasonable?"

"That's why you're out here patrolling the border?"

"Naah. I'm just nostalgic for when I was a kid, playing Wild Bill Hickock in the desert and shooting at rattlers and spiders and whatnot."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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