Following the news of the decline in the number of pass grades in English Literature, the Stoodents Younion of Grate Britten have commissioned a re-print of the Blyton Book of Smut for distribution to all state schools. The following jokes are a random sample taken from it:
A lady goes to the Police Station.
"Can I help you?" says the policeman.
"I hope so" says the lady. "You see, a man has just done a very rude thing to me."
"Oh dear" says the policeman. "What did he do?"
"He did that thing that mummies and daddies do with no clothes on when they think that no-one can hear them" says the lady.
"Oh, that's very naughty" says the policeman. "Do you know the man's name."
"No" says the lady, "But I think he works for the council."
"Why's that?" says the policeman.
"Because I had to do all the work" says the lady.
A man from Africa goes to the doctor*
"Doctor" he says, "My willy has fallen off."
"Oh dear" says the doctor. "Have you got it with you?"
"Yes" says the man. And he takes it out of his pocket, and puts it on the table.
"That's not your willy" says the doctor. "That's a Walnut Whip**"
"It can't be" says the man. "I ate that on the way here."
* The man who makes you better.
** A scrummy type of chocolate with half a walnut on the top.
A man and a lady went out one night for a drive in the man's car. They stopped to have a kiss and a cuddle. Then it got very warm so they had to take their clothes off. Then the windows of the car got all foggy. A little while later a policeman knocked on the car window.
"You two have been doing naughty things" said the policeman, "And I will have to put you in prison."
"Don't do that" said the man.
"Alright then" said the policeman, "But only if it's my turn next."
"I don't know about that" said the man "I've never fucked* a policeman before."
*This is a very rude word, and it must not be read out loud.