Written by Inchcock
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Sunday, 26 August 2012

image for Warning Signs wot I noticed today...

I awoke, and perused the warning signs on my morning medications before taking them:

Warnings:
If you miss dose and it is close to the time for your next dose, miss that one...

Do not give to children or and adolescents below 18 years of age...

Possible Side Effects: (To numerous to mention)

If you take more ........ than you should go to the nearest Hospital A&E...

Do not stop taking your tablets except on your doctor's advice...

Tell your doctor if you are breastfeeding...

Keep your Warfarin INR card with you at all times...

Warfarin: Do not take Aspirins under any conditions...

Omeprazole: Do not consume Grapefruit, Elderberries, or Cranberries in any form...

This medicine (Furosemide) may reduce mental alertness...

Bisoprolol Furmarate: Take special care with Bisoprolol Furmarate tablets... (followed by several long paragraphs explaining why)

Do not drive while on these....

Do not stop taking these...

Treatment requires regular monitoring by you doctor...

Do not take double dose to make up for missed dose...

Sleep disturbances, depression, vomiting, muscle cramps and weaknesses, nightmares, hallucinations, reduced sexual perfomance (No worries there), dry eyes, inflammation of the liver, hair loss (Again no worries here either), allergic runny nose, breathing problems, itching, flush, rash, fainting, hysteria... oh I'm so glad I read this one, it explains a lot!)

I decided not to bother reading the mid-day and evening medication warnings, as I was feeling a little low.

I stepped out into the street to start my walk into the Nottingham City Centre... noticing the sign that informed residents, and warned potential criminals that the area was protected with smart water had been vandalised.

As I passed the new building works, the warning signs were neatly displayed in a row on the fencing, Helmets to be worn, Ear Defenders to be worn, No unauthorised admission, Danger Keep Out, High visibility clothing to be worn, Foot protection to be worn etc etc...

Near the school, the 20mph School sign had been bent over and damaged, I understand the kids were caught causing the damage that morning.

As I turned onto Mansfield Road, I did notice the absence of any Warning sign for shoppers about being overcharged at the Lidl store.

Near the Elm Homes, some wit had written on the bottom of the Elderly People warning sign: "Thanks I got one".

On the electric bus stop information sign opposite Victoria shopping centre, it was flashing: Warning: Delays expected to all routes between 10am and 4pm due to the Caribbean Festival being held on the Forest.

I boarded the bus back home, with this sign on it. Warning: The driver can only accept the correct fare, no change given on this bus.

Inside the bus, there were various warnings: No Smoking Allowed - Do not listen to you ipod or radio without using earphones, and keep the sound low - No Eating Allowed on this bus and Do not talk to or disturb the driver when this bus is in motion.

As I got off the bus, I noticed a discarded cigarette packet in the bin, with printed on it: Warning: Tobacco Kills.

At the back of the Co-op was a sign: Warning: Vehicles parking here will be clamped - Release fee £250.

Now I was interested in Warning signs, I began noticing many that I;d not spotted before, like the one's in the car park near Lidl's good bay: Warning: Highly Explosive materials stored in this area...? and Warning: Corrosive materials stored in this area.

I then spotted a sign on a Nottingham Council street cleaning vehicle. Warning: Toxic substances on this vehicle.

Pleased with my days Warning spotting trip, I put away my pencil and notebook to refer to later when I'd put it on the Spoof if I remember it that is.

And I made my way to my beloved ladies abode, with warnings being the last thing on my mind.

Would you believe it - she was all excited as her daughter had bought a pair of knickers for her birthday with writing on the front of then... guess what it said...

"Warning: Can be injurious to your health!"

I kid you not!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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