Written by Breeze
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Wednesday, 21 February 2007

image for Laugh is over as Spoof apologises for Excessive Britney Spears Vagina stories Baldy Britney Slaphead no laughing matter chuckles writer

It's all very funny when a celebrity falls apart, isn't it? ISN'T IT?

Over the last few days, we have seen pictures of a young girl whose life is unravelling before our very eyes, a young, successful pop star, who should be riding high but instead, is in the very depths of dispair.

The images of Britney Spears shaving her head were truly heartbreaking and demonstrate just how vulnerable and alone this poor girl must feel.

And how have we, here at the Spoof, reacted to this terrible tragedy? I'll tell you how, we have mocked her....joked about her predicament and made up disgusting and, (in the case of Matt 'Crusty' Morgan), badly written stories about her vagina.

Even in Hollywood, a city not known for it's sympathy or charity, there is a sense of concern and unease for this struggling starlet.

So, is it time for the laughter to stop at 'The Spoof'? Should we put away our poisoned pens and allow this poor girl some privacy....some dignity, while she and her family come to terms with this terrible affliction.

Well, this reporter is as compassionate as the next man but, as I sit here in my council flat and eat my beans on toast, I think No! No, we fuckin' shouldn't!

The only reason I drag myself out of my lumpy, three legged bed in the morning and have the strength to get through another miserable fuckin' day without putting a bullet in my head, is the thought of some braindead, Holywood tart who, despite being adored by millions and rich beyond her wildest dreams, still isn't fuckin' happy.

Marriage break-up? Marriage break up?!? At least you've still got the Holywood mansion, the fleet of caddys and the private jet. Want to know what I got? A bin bag full of clothes and the dog! That's what I fuckin' got!

Shaved her hair off! Boo fuckin' hoo, I've been going bald since I was 25 AND I'm a diabetic but nobody worries about that, do they?

It's all....Ooooh Britney's an alcoholic, isn't that so sad. No, no it's fuckin' not! I'm an alcoholic and I have to manage it on £82.39, which is all those bastards at the DHSS will give me. Do you hear me complaining? Well, admittedly at the moment you do but normally I don't.

When my wife left me for that cock-eyed bastard down the street, did I shave my head in desperation? Did I go to the local diso sans underpants or vomit in a taxi?

Come to think of it, I did.

Good luck with the rehab, Britney!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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