Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 21 August 2012

image for Local Man "Gutted" As Everton Stuff United Some Sardines - Another Example Of Lazy Captioneering.

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock told reporters this morning that he was "gutted" after seeing his beloved Manchester United crash to an opening day of the season defeat to Everton at Goodison Park last night.

Everton won the match 1-0 with a second half header from Belgian star, Marouane Fellaini.

"I was gutted," Shuttlecock related. "I'd been working the 2-10 shift and I forgot to Sky-Plus the match. So when I got home from work, I went through the listings to see if the game was going to be repeated.

"It was. At one am.

"So I cracked a cold one and settled down to wait. The wife wanted to watch it too, but she kept dozing off on the sofa."

For the Shuttlecocks, the wait proved frustrating, as they were keen to see how new signings, van Persie and Kagawa had fared.

"RVP didn't even come on until the last twenty minutes," Shuttlecock grumbled. "And in truth we took a bit of a hammering. Welbeck failed to get on the end of a couple of good chances, but on the plus side, DeGea made some outstanding saves.

"That Fellaini's just a pain in the arse. Ever since Everton started playing him up front he's been a revelation. He oined us at OT last season, and he oined us again last night. The filthy dog.

"I'm a sporting chap though, and I send all my congratulations out to the Everton lads and their fans. As I'm typing this, I've just reduced the sideboard to matchwood as a result of a frenzied axe attack."

Long suffering wife, Anne, had this to say:

"I hope the daft bastard doesn't think I'm cleaning all that wood up. I'll get the dustpan and brush..."

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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