BILLINGSGATE POST - Dr. Billingsgate's painstaking comparative review of the bio's of Barack Obama and Mitt Romney:
1. Vital Statistics: Willard Mitt Romney was born March 12, 1947 in Detroit, Michigan with a silver spoon in his mouth. Barack Obama was born August 4, 1961 in Honolulu, Kenya with a bone protruding from his lower lip.
2. Nicknames: Willard "The Rat" Romney and Barack "Bong" Obama.
3. Favorite Pastimes Growing Up: Mitt loved to stake out "Jack Morman" polygamists as they staggered out of the local pubs. Barack loved jumping into his friend's Choomwagon, driving to an isolated location near Honolulu, rolling the windows up, and inhaling marijuana with his Choom Gang.
4. Favorite Sports: Barack loves basketball and playing golf. Mitt loves to buy companies, strip their assets, fire everyone and watch them all die of cancer because they have no health insurance.
5. Education: It is rumored that Barack went to Occidental College, Columbia University and Harvard Law School. However, no one has been allowed to see his transcripts so status remains unverified. Mitt actually graduated from Brigham Young and Harvard, receiving an MBA and Law Degree in 1975.
6. Defining Moments: Barack first notices his multi-racial heritage legacy while looking in the mirror at age 21 and comparing his anatomy with his caucasian girl friend. Mitt, at the age of 40, when he found he was making money faster than his wife could spend it.
7. Major Bogus Accomplishments: Barack takes credit for killing Osama bin Laden after being denied permission three time by his personal ventriloquist, Valerie Jarrett. Mitt signs into law Massachusett's version of Obamacare.
8. Favorite Colors: Barack loves Commie pink. Mitt loves Brigham Young blue.
9. Favorite Sayings: Barack..."I'm trying to think, but nothing happens." Mitt..."Just do it."
10. Fantasy Wish List: Barack dreams of beating President Clinton's record of stuffing 100 naked Hollywood celebrities into the Lincoln Bedroom in one night. Mitt dreams of sleeping in the President's bedroom for the next 8 years.