Written by Rob Barratt
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Tags: Language

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

image for Like, literally awesome Like, literally awesome

The campaign for plain English has outlawed the use of "literally" and "like" as used by Will.I.Am. He was made to recite and memorise this poem.

"Like, literally awesome" by Rob Barratt

It was literally awesome
Some awe was in place
I was literally gobsmacked
I got punched in the face

I was literally spaced out
Floating round the room
I was literally flying
I was, like, over the moon

We were literally out of this world
The earth couldn't contain us
You were literally on another planet
I think it was Uranus

I used to know this awful bloke
He was cylindrical and thick
He had a head shaped like a phallus
He was literally a prick

He literally got hammered once
His skull crushed into pieces
He literally died of embarrassment
He's on the "recently deceased" list

Ali was literally bowled over
Like a bowling Ali skittle
She was literally shattered
(I'd always thought her brittle)

The players were literally knackered
And sent to the knacker's yard
The team was literally slaughtered
Their flesh bottled and jarred

So I literally hit the road
But the road hit me back
I was literally gutted
My intestines on the track

I literally lost my marbles
I found them when I lost my head
I was literally mortified
I was literally dead

I was literally in heaven
I rang St Peter's bell
I was, like, "Oh my God!!"
And God was, like, "Bloody Hell!"

Then God literally exploded
He was, like, literally on fire
Then it was literally the end of the world for me
But I'm like, literally… a liar.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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