Written by Pointer
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Tags: Angel, Baby

Saturday, 17 February 2007

Well, patient reader your curiosity as to the Baby Angel's escape from the compost heap is about to be rewarded, though that may be an overly generous estimation.

Lilithanne, ambivalent possessor of dual and someday dueling sex organs was also lucky (recall that lucky can mean fortunate and blessed in the Biblical languages) enough to have a Mom and a sis who would have done and did everything in their power to save the ambiguous creature from the cruel, "divinely-ordained fate" to which the divinely called faithful would have doomed her .

This precious and rare (oh yeah) child was placed in a basket -in this case the basket-lift of the local ski slope, formerly known as "Snow Harm Snow Foul" but since the purchase of said winter resort facility by the local Christian Churches Inc., it had acquired the appellation : Jesus Loves you Snow Much!! But before the quite biblical basket rescue this clever conspiracy of women had a brilliant idea.

The ingenious plan came as the unlikely result of the timely arrival of the latest issue of the Oriental Trading catalogue. This cheap and absurd flier hawked all manner of ridiculous Sunday School paraphernalia for every painfully boring religious education lesson and all the gut-wrenching church plays and awful pageants you have ever suffered through. But on page 27 of this pitiful mailer, tucked between the Polyester Nativity Costumes for $ 5.95 each and the Awesome God Baseball Caps @ $9.95, the desperate pair found the Feather and Marbou Angel Wings-Each with two elastic straps 27" x 25" (Gown not included) @ 7.95 each.

Together the duo realized that there just might be one way out of the horrible fate to which their latest little arrival seemed to inexorably drawn. The over - priced but express delivery that cost 3x the price of the wings themselves brought the cheesy costume in no time flat.

Duct tape and Elmer's glue securely attached the angelic appendages to the tiny back of the darling Lilithanne. Sis lay out of sight on cramped floor of the basket with little Lilithanne precariously balanced on her outstretched arms. From below one could only see the precious little hermaphrodite hovering like Hermes and/or Aphrodite in midair, feathery wings flapping in the breeze. One by one the faithful townspeople spotted the angelic apparition emitting shouts of "Holy Cherubim" and "Baby Angel".

Town drunks, which religious towns have more than their share, swore never to drink again and the few secret atheists had crises of unfaith. When word of the the ophany spread to the church council of the 1st Christian Church of Kniffleblossom it was decided that this miraculous child should live and live she did -feather and maribou wings and all for her entire youth and adolescence until she found her way out of town and eventually into an aged van owned by a previously mentioned crass comic who just happened to be exiting a disrepaired bike repair shop with a flat-fixed blue bike called Paz for short.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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