Our intrepid reporter has just phoned in his latest report, telling us that the well known geriatric crooner Wankadink Humpanoldbag actually died eight months ago. Apparently what we see is an excellent Japanese robotic clone, inch perfect. The voice is masterful and undistinguishable from the real thing, even down to the occasional gasping croak,which one would expect from such an aged person.
The slight giveaway is the star's jerky movements, which his agent and spokesman put down to arthritis. However,the truth came out at a Bradford working mens club when a randy sex starved old dear jumped up onto the stage and gave him a bloody good grope. The poor old thing got one hell of a shock and promptly fainted right there in front of him, but he just carried on singing as if nothing had happened.
We have yet another scoop regarding cheating athletes.
The Prisoners Aid Society is to sponsor another branch of it's wonderful organisation, which will be known as, The Athletic Support Society.
The new society is to be dedicated to help those many poor misguided athletes who were unfortunate enough to be caught cheating by those nasty official drug testers.
The ten day rehabilitation course run by a former world class athlete is designed to enable medal prospects to once more represent their esteemed country as honest upright citizens.
What next, releasing Ian Huntley and giving him back his job as school caretaker.
Some would say that the principle is the same.