Alan Pardew insists he is doing everything he can to keep striker Demba Ba, 27, at Newcastle
I find handcuffs work best.
Arsenal midfielder Aaron Ramsey, 21, admits he and his team-mates have no idea how the situation with striker Robin van Persie will pan out.
Have you thought about seeing a clairvoyant?
Liverpool are understood to have had a bid rejected for 25-year-old Real Madrid midfielder Esteban Granero.
Which reminds me, whatever happened to Gloria Estefan?
And Finally from the Metro
Manchester City striker Edin Dzeko joins Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie on the red carpet at a film festival in Sarajevo.
Rumours he blagged his way by claiming to know Mario Balotelli have been played down.