New York - This year's Body Parts Convention got off to a rousing start as the anus took the stage in a spirited debate against the hands.
The following is a transcript:
Anus: I expel nasty crap from the body, without me there would be no life on Earth at all.
Hands: Checkmate! Blimey, I entered this debate thinking it'd be an easy victory for me but now you've gone and won it right from the start. Nothing that I could ever claim to do is as important to maintaining life as you.
Anus: Hands, you have always been a very arrogant body part because you can do a lot of flashy stuff like play guitar, fold origami and steer motor vehicles, but dammit when push comes to shove you can't separate the crap from what's important now can you.
Hands: I can push and shove, but not like you. I entered this debate because I thought it would be an easy win, but now I am finding out that I have a profound respect for you.
Anus: Hands you are my bitch, you wipe me clean after I have shat out some of the nastiest things imaginable, like that one time I shat out a band-aid mixed with corn.
Hands: Yes I remember the band-aid/corn mess that I had to clean up. My respect for you is changing into bitter resentment.