Nora Ephron says she met Jesus Christ in her dreams and she was promised a man in heaven because she couldn't find one on earth.
"I got desperate for a man because I was getting old and I was constantly being turned down for dates because of my age," Ephron continues "I had to visit heaven to get my man."
Ephron said she hiked Mt. Ararat in desperation to enter the pearly gates to get to her man. She was unable to find the pearly gates, but she notice an old man fixing a large bout the size of a freightliner.
"To get into the pearly gates you have to get Satan to move out of the way and he is down yonder, resting on a rock down the road heading east," said Noah.
Ephron asked Noah to be his wife, but he was already married so she headed towards Satan to ask permission to enter heaven.
"You can only enter feminist heaven because fights between men and women are not allowed in heaven," said Satan.
When she got to the pearly gates for feminists she saw K.D. Lang dancing with a goat singing the song "Constant Cravings."
"I came to get my man which Jesus promised me," said Ephron. Lang said she was the only man in feminist heaven because all the real men prefer to live in Playboy heaven with Hugh Heffner and his bunnies.
"The entire Jersey Shore cast is also in Playboy heaven," said Lang.
Lang quickly got on her cell phone and complained to God that Ephron was stalking and harassing her because she was looking for a man to be with. God then ordered Ephron to go to hell to marry Satan.
In hell Satan told Ephron that he was gay and his ass was flaming hot. The men that were sent to hell were not interested in feminist because they were married to prostitutes that were also in hell.
"Lang keeps sending desperate feminist to hell with her stalking and harassment charges" said Satan.