Written by El Presidente
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Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Has your boyfriend or husband suddenly started grooming himself before work? Has he lost interest in the bedroom? Is he sneaking around whispering on the phone and receiving late night text messages? Have you spotted lipstick on his collar?

There is probably a very reasonable explanation for all the above. For instance he may have started grooming himself for work because there could be a promotion in the offing and he wants to impress the boss. If has lost interest in the bedroom then suggest a better place for him to invest his money. Sneaking around and late night text messaging? He is probably, most likely, organizing a surprise party for you and as for lipstick on the collar? Remember meeting his old Aunt Joanna last Christmas? Maybe she did not die in that fiery automobile accident and she is kissing and hugging her nephew!

So, what are actually 8 real signs your man is cheating on you?

1. He tells you to your face that he is sleeping with your sister and is leaving you for her. Before jumping to conclusions and accusing him of cheating call your sister and maybe ask her. This could just be attention seeking.

2. You catch him bed with your best friend. Of course this may be an innocent sleepover so don't jump to conclusions.

3. You discover that your husband has been fired from his job for having a relationship with a female co-worker. Okay, this is a no brainer but before you get all hot under the collar double check with his supervisor and clarify what type of relationship it is.

4. He leaves you and does not contact you for 4 years. Okay, again, do not worry too badly, first of double check he didn't move and you forgot to note it.

5. He changes his Facebook status. Deletes you as his partner and claims to be in a relationship which is confirmed by Veronica your neighbor and they are now cohabitating. This could possibly be a computer virus.

6. He breaks down and cries, tells you he finds your revolting, that he is desperately unhappy and that he has paying for prostitutes for sex. This is NOT cheating and should be ignored.

7. He does not invite you to his wedding. So what he is marrying someone else and you haven't spoken to him in 16 months, it doesn't mean he is cheating or the relationship is dead. Just ignore the wedding and treat it as a phase he is going through.

8. He tells you to your face that he is sleeping with your brother and is leaving you for him. See step 1 for advice.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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