Written by Inchcock
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 30 June 2012

image for Nottingham News for W/E: 30th June 2012 On behalf of all future victims of violent crime in Nottingham - Thank You Mr Cameron!

Sunday 24th June 2012

Topic: Crime - Murder

"Nottingham man appears in court over stabbing death"

Source: BBC News

Extract A 21-year-old Nottingham man has appeared before city magistrates charged with murder.

Marcin Cwiakalo, of Osborne Street, Radford, was remanded in custody and is due to appear at Nottingham Crown Court on 25 June.

He is accused of fatally stabbing Mark Blades, 29, who was found at the rear of a restaurant in an alleyway off Parliament Street, Nottingham.

A Home Office post-mortem examination revealed he died from stab wounds.

Comment: Welcome to Nottingham!

Monday 25th June 2012

Topic: Crime - Attack on shopkeeper - Violence

"Charges after shopkeeper beaten"

Source: Nottingham Police Site

Extract: Four people have been charged with robbery after a shopkeeper was attacked in Mapperley last week.

The incident happened at the Laksh Food and Wine store, in Woodborough Road, at about 8.15pm on Wednesday 20 June 2012, when thieves attempted to steal cash and cigarettes.

A passer-by, who witnessed the attack, reported it to the police and four people were subsequently arrested.

Troy Thompson, aged 18, of Ebony Walk in Thorneywood, and Theodore Scott, aged 20, of Addison Road in Carlton, and two boys, aged 17 and 16, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, were charged with robbery.

They appeared before Nottingham Magistrates on Friday (22 June 2012), where Thompson, Scott and the 16-year-old were remanded into custody. The 17-year-old was bailed.

Comment: As I said earlier, welcome to Nottingham!

Tuesday 26th June 2012

Topic: Theft - Crime

"Thieves steal wheelchair and car from disabled Nottingham man"

Source: This is Nottingham

Extract: A DISABLED man has been left without any mode of transport after thieves stole his car and wheelchair from Radcliffe-on-Trent last week.

The thieves broke into the victim's home and stole a laptop and keys before fleeing in the car.

The incident happened overnight between last Thursday and Friday in Saint Lawrence Boulevard.

The car, which displayed the victim's blue disability badge in the window, had a tow bar attached.

The 37-year-old victim said: "I have spina bifida and hydrocephalus and so rely on my car and wheelchair to help me get around.

Comment: Mankind in its lowest form!

Wednesday 27th June 2012

Topic: Crime - Murder - Court trial

"Nott's murder accused turned up at pub with wounds, court hears

Source: This is Nottingham

Extract: Two men accused of murder turned up at a pub with wounds after they allegedly beat a former Ruddington newsagent to death, a court heard.

Stephen Shreeves had a cut on his wrist, while Kelvin Dale had a cut on his knuckle tended to by staff at the Hare and Hounds pub, in Warsop, on October 8 last year.

The pair are among four people on trial for the murder of former newsagent Clifford Collinge, 61, who suffered 46 injuries in the attack in October, including a head injury, fractured ribs, a collapsed lung and a cardiac embolism.

The court also heard a statement from Ms Stuart's co-worker Karen Sims which said she saw Kerry serve two men at the bar at 9.30pm.

She said: "One had a diagonal cut to his right wrist. I said 'what have you been up to?' and the man said he had fallen in the car park outside.

"Kerry put plasters in a cross onto the wound but they wouldn't stick. I then took a bandage and bandaged his wrist."

Mr Collinge's wife, Charlotte Collinge, 45, of Sandy Lane, Church Warsop; Robert Proud, 36, of Greendale Close, Warsop; Dale, 27, of Forest Road, Warsop; and Shreeves, 40, of Laurel Avenue, Church Warsop, all deny murder.

The trial continues.

Comment: Another everyday story of Nottingham folk!

Thursday 28th June 2012

Topic: More Police cutbacks

"Sadness over axing of Nottingham police horse unit"

Source: This is Nottingham

Extract: Police's mounted section is to be scrapped.

The Police Authority voted to release the section's officers into other divisions during its annual general meeting at County Hall yesterday.

The decision will save Notts Police around £93,000 a year, raise an extra £20,000 from the sale of horses and release five officers for other roles.

Just four police authority members out of 15 voted to keep the unit.

Comment: Obviously the authority members who voted for this were not affected by the Riots of last Summer - these horses were most effective in discouraging the rioters! This years could be hell, with so many Nottingham Officers taken away to police the London Olympics!

Friday 29th June 2012

Topic: Police Response

"Response to Police Authority decision to disband Force's mounted section"

Source: Nottingham Police Site

Extract: Statement from Acting Chief Constable Chris Eyre in response to today's Police Authority decision to disband the Force's mounted section.

"By 2015 Nottinghamshire Police must reduce the annual cost of policing by more than £42m.

"In order to do so we have already cut 200 officer posts, a hundred of whom we have required to retire after 30 years' service under regulation A19, and a further 300 police staff posts.

"Despite these austere economic conditions and the challenges this presents, our determination is to do everything we can to protect and enhance front line services to our local communities. To that end we have committed to increasing the strength of our local officers in Nottingham and Nottinghamshire by 100 by 2015. This will in part be achieved by shifting officers from other operational roles into local policing.

"Today's decision by the Authority to disband the Force's mounted section is part of that on-going process, to strengthen and shape policing for the future in Nottinghamshire.

"I acknowledge the affection many of our residents have for the Police horses. I fully recognise the history of the mounted section and the contribution it has made over many decades to policing the city and county. But I have to deliver a policing service that makes the very best use of very limited resources and to that end take some difficult choices.

"The Force is one of very few left in England and Wales that retains a mounted section, and although its work is important, it is not a unit that is used frequently. Redeploying the staff to daily front line duties will strengthen our local policing presence and that is our determination and commitment to the communities of Nottingham and Nottinghamshire.

"The section will remain in place until the end of the London Olympics to which we have agreed to deploy the horses and officers. Work will then begin to redeploy the officers and make arrangements to sell the horses, in a way that places the horses' future welfare at the top of our priorities."

Comment: On behalf of myself (mugged last March) and all future victims of violent crime in Nottingham - thank you Mr Cameron!

Saturday 30th June 2012

Topic: Crime

"Nottinghamshire police hunt drinker who poured beer over crying baby then kicked mum"

Source: Nottingham Post

Extract: The man tipped what is believed to be about half a pint of beer over Rachel Atkin's son in The Ernehale pub in Nottingham Road, Arnold, just before 1pm on June 11.

She believes he soaked her son because he was crying.

"I couldn't believe my eyes," Miss Atkin, 25, of Bestwood Park, said. "I was shocked. I just stood there for a second and then I ran up to his table and shouted at him.

"I could hear my son crying when I was at the bar and my friend said he'd been shouting about it before he poured the drink over my son, but it's no excuse to pour a drink on him, it just made him cry even more."

Miss Atkin visited the JD Wetherspoon pub with a friend for lunch after taking her son to a soft play session and left him with her friend.

She was ordering their meals at the bar when the man poured the drink over her son.

The man then kicked Miss Atkin when she confronted him and she ran to the bar to ask staff to call the police.

He had fled from the pub by the time they arrived.

Anyone who witnessed the incident, or has further information, should contact Notts Police on 101.

Alternatively call Crimestoppers, anonymously, on 0800 555 111.

Comment: Nobody is safe in Nottingham anymore! Sad but true!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

80 readers are online right now!

Go to top