Written by Erskin Quint
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Saturday, 16 June 2012

image for Another Imaginary Man To Depart Imaginary Kingdom? An imaginary kingdom, yesterday.

Another imaginary man has expressed concerns about the imaginary kingdom in which he has been domiciled, writes Fantasy World correspondent, Alexander Selkirk.

It will be remembered that I have reported on these kinds of matters before. I spoke to this latest imaginary man yesterday, in an exclusive imaginary interview for our imaginary audience. It was surprisingly easy to gain entry to the imaginary kingdom to interview him: the kingdom is entirely imaginary, and I was able to travel at will.

The man told me that he had settled in the imaginary kingdom a few years ago, after a period in the wilderness. 'I settled here after a period in the wilderness', said the man, yesterday.

'Though at first the natives were hostile', he continued, 'eventually I became, as it were, one with the strange, imaginary inhabitants of this strange, imaginary kingdom.

'I developed my own imaginary identity and set up home in a suitably quirky part of the kingdom.

'For a long time, I found that life here suited me', the man told me. 'It was pleasant to dwell in an imaginary kingdom with no rules. I enjoyed the freedom. It was better than living under the laws of the wilderness, which were very harsh.

'However', he continued, 'with freedom there ought to come responsibility, vigilance and compassion, and here has grown the trouble that has engendered my plaint.

'For there is no responsibility, vigilance or compassion here. While this makes imaginary life here exciting and free, it is also thus rendered increasingly dangerous and unpredictable.'

We supped imaginary mead from imaginary squat tumblers at an imaginary wayside inn as we talked. The imaginary trees were alive with imaginary birds, whose multi-hued plumage was astonishingly iridescent in the rays of the imaginary sun.

'It may be time for me to leave. It may be time for me to continue my pilgrimage elsewhere', said the imaginary man. 'I find that I have no stomach for it any more.'

And there he would have left it. There he would have stayed his hand, and sat, and stared into his imaginary squat tumbler, had I not pressed him for at least an exemplar, however imaginary.

'Ah', he sighed. 'These days, you cannot put your head outside the imaginary door of your crudely-fashioned imaginary hut. It is hardly safe to venture beyond one's imaginary domestic portal.

'For the imaginary streets and highways are thronged with imaginary crusaders and equally imaginary counter crusaders, all riding enormous high horses, tilting at imaginary windmills and skewering imaginary straw men with their imaginary debating lances.

'I remember a time when life here was mad, bad and dreadful, yet peaceful', lamented the imaginary man, taking a draught from his newly-replenished imaginary squat tumbler of mead. Squinting into the imaginary afternoon sun, he continued to weave his tale.

'But these days you are constantly accosted, and can hardly avoid becoming embroiled. Everywhere, the imaginary crusaders wield their imaginary cutlasses of sarcasm and set in defiance their imaginary snide shields.

'They brandish their imaginary double-edged flaming swords and, shouting in imaginary cryptic tongues, they journey far across the imaginary meadows in pursuit of the legendary imaginary trolls who are said to threaten the very imaginary walls of the kingdom.'

He sighed, deeply. 'I tire of it, I grow weary of its remorseless futilities', he said, and sat, gazing high into the airy cages of the imaginary trees.

Sensing that we were nearing a decisive juncture, I enquired of him: 'what do you propose to do?'

But he was already off, wandering through the waving fields of imaginary alfalfa, in the direction of the imaginary borderlands which are situate far from the imaginary skirmishings of which he spoke.

I drained my imaginary squat tumbler, and left the imaginary wayside inn. Journeying day and night, I arrived back back at the precise point from which I had originally embarked for the imaginary kingdom.

It was as if I had never been anywhere, and it had all been a figment of my imagination.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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