Washington DC - Is today's date a forgery! Historians are getting harder and harder to find, particularly historians who specialize in American history.
All over DC, people are sneaking out of back windows, climbing down drainpipes and making furtive efforts to move down dark streets without being seen. These men and women are not taking a vacation - they are running for their lives because they're losing the battle to "call it the way they see it"- and staying sane.
Sneaking away in small groups of two or three, they wait around the train and bus stations, desperately hoping to make contact with someone, anyone, to point the way forward.
Many are heading to Canada, where refugee status has been rumored to be gaining support.
Without a contemporary record for this date in history, today's history will be filled in after the fact statistically, by someone who may not even have been alive on this date.
Kind of like how Ronald Reagan used to "announce" ballgames over the radio from written updates handed to him as the real game progressed.
A recent incident at The History Channel's headquarters in Van Nuys, California reveals a larger, more disturbing trend. A local television station, acting on a tip began an investigation which revealed that there was quite literally no one home.
There were no humans on site when Van Nuys police walked through the building during a courtesy inspection on May 8, 2012.
Telephone calls to The History Channel were answered by useless representatives in the Philippines who could not comment in English, as hard as they tried.
As Van Nuys Police could find no evidence of wrongdoing , they withdrew.
Besides, a "Pawn Stars" marathon was about to start.