Written by Oleg the Tumor

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Wednesday, 13 June 2012

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Chantilly, VA - Activist Alex Jones is a busy guy, even when he's not busy roasting Bilderburgers. Sometimes he gets to have breakfast, too. I recently caught up to him in a place even Guy Fieri wouldn't care to classify.

(paCHU) "Good morning, so you're the guy from Spoof News, right? How are you? Have some coffee before it gets to the bottom." (paCHU) … (SQEAL)… (paCHU) "You'll stick to the breakfast menu, if you're smart. You can't go wrong with breakfast when you're on the road, you know? (paCHU)"

When I came to, I found myself setting on the curb outside. My ears were bleeding and a man who looked a lot like Edgar Allen Poe was laughing at me. It was high time to rethink my career choice (again).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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