Written by Dan Cun

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Tags: China, Korea

Monday, 11 June 2012

A Korean man claims he was mistaken for being Chinese five times in one day, a new record for him, surpassing the four times he was mistaken for being Japanese in April and the three times he was mistaken for a ladyboy while visiting San Francisco.

Dr Daniel Cun, 32, handsome, funny, and wealthy but unfortunately a compulsive liar wrote on his non-existent blog that the confusion began early. An excerpt from Cun's blog read:

I woke early, well early for me, 7am, I had a 12 hour early shift at the hospital, I had been assigned to the ER, my least favorite department. I decided I would grab coffee and a bagel from a well known donut restaurant; it was there that I was mistaken for being Chinese. A man, reading the Washington Post nodded at me and smiled before saying "I see you lot are going into space, you lot are everywhere".

Puzzled I asked him if he meant Laker fans, but he didn't. He meant the Chinese. I nodded and smiled.

On arrival at work I was told that I was needed in reception, there was trouble with a patient's relative. Could I speak to them? I rushed quickly accompanied by two nurses to be met by a woman screaming in Mandarin. I shook my head, despondently.

At lunch I was asked by a pharmacist if I could recommend a restaurant that did good Chop Suey, as he was taking his girlfriend on a date.

I thought it couldn't get any worse. I was wrong.

After work I decided to grab a drink at Cal's, I am a regular and Cal knows me well, but not as well as I thought. "Hey, I need help" he said "This god dam cuckoo clock I bought ain't working, the instruction are in Chinese - what the hell do they say.....Don?"


I have been drinking there for the last two years.

Well, the end of the day beckoned and as I sat back at my desk I decided to relax, I have recently joined an international online discussion group and on Sunday I made friends with a couple of Brits, who also populate the forum, we had some friendly banter, they offering me advice and teasing, in a good natured way, slipping in the odd swear word now and then.

I was surprised but pleased to see that one of them had sent me a Personal Message.

With an abundance of excitement and glee, that one of my new friends had taken the time to contact me, maybe for some advice on flossing, I opened the message. My heart sank as I read the first line.

Dear Dan,

Well, me old china, love a duck and cor blimey, Gawd save the queen and David Beckham the cheeky blighter, can you Adam and Eve it, Marry Poppins where's me bowler hat.....you is a right cunt you is.......

I had read enough. It wasn't being called a cunt that bothered me, it was the sad realization that, even thousands of miles away, I was still being mistaken for being Chinese.

It is, the proverbial chink in my armor.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

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