The editor of The iRumors News Agency, Bacardi Cheyenne, has just announced that the June edition of its publication of 'Scandals, Rumors, & Innuendos From Around The World' is now available at leading newsstands, at Giggle Giggle Comedy Clubs throughout America, and at all Burger Bandit Restaurants.
SCANDALS, RUMORS, & INNUENDOS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
COPENHAGEN, DENMARK - Local authorities in the Danish capital of Copenhagen are reporting that the Fishy Smell Fish Company has been caught selling counterfeit sardines. It appears that the company which was founded by Toftlund and Olaf Ringkobing in 1943, had devised a way to cleverly disguise guppies to resemble sardines.
PALERMO, ITALY - Italy's attorney general has issued a directive banning the sport of horseracing until it can be determined who is responsible for giving racehorses slices of tainted pepperoni pizza. The pizza is reportedly laced with the rare mineral Zybithafumania, which causes the racehorses to run backwards scaring the ever livin' hell out of the little jockeys.
CALEXICO, CALIFORNIA - U.S. Customs Agents have reported finding $3,900,000 in crisp United States one hundred dollar bills in an alligator suitcase along with two gold plated AK-47s. A Customs spokesperson stated that the owner or owners can claim the money and weapons at the Calexico Police Station no questions asked (well maybe just one or six).
GLASGOW, SCOTLAND - Scotland's Department of Clothing has assured all Scottish residents, who wear kilts, that the vicious rumors about a certain brand of kilt causing the wearer to hallucinate and pretend that he or she are actually Irish has been disproved. Scottish police have arrested two residents of Tasiilaq, Greenland who said they started the joke out of sheer boredom.
SHIZZLEVILLE, UPPER SHAMBUTU - Reports coming out of the nation's capital are not looking too good for Upper Shambutu's President Kumba Tinpura. It appears that a local taxi driver has stated that on Saturday, June 9, at approximately 12:05 a.m. he drove three well-know Shizzleville ladies of the evening (prostitutes) to the luxurious Hotel Zany Zebra. The three women then went up directly to room 719, which was rented to a Bobby Pillow, which is a fake name that President Tinpura has used on several occasions in the past.
[CREDITS: The following iRumors writers contributed to the June edition of Scandals, Rumors, & Innuendos From Around The World; Vodka Vermicelli, Zydeco Dupree, Ling Chow Rangoon, Taffeta Kixx, and Cutter Shiloh.]