Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 12 June 2012

image for The Citizens of Anchorage, Alaska Are Furious Regarding The Salmon Mating Ritual Situation The salmon is at the center of the Anchorage controversy. (Photo by Nanook Schwartz).

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - The city of Anchorage is known for its dog sled races, snowmobiling, snow, Polar Pale Ale Beer, kayaking, snow, rafting, being home to the largest Eskimo igloo in the world, and snow.

It is also home to The Annual Salmon Mating Ritual Festival & Parade. The event is one of the year's greatest celebrations and is attended by every citizen of the city.

But this year a group calling itself The 49th State Coalition Federation For The Fair and Decent Treatment of Salmon has waltzed into town making waves.

The group's director Philomena "Okra" Okrafelli met with Anchorage Mayor Danny "Boy" Sullivan and the two got into one hell of an argument with both almost coming to blows.

Ms. Okrafelli, 47, was raised by Eskimos so she's one tough gal who can take a duck and make it taste like a T-bone steak.

Her group which is based in Wasilla, Sarah "Snowflake" Palin's hometown, has stated that they want the mating ritual cancelled.

Needless to say the entire citizenry of Anchorage is loquaciously livid and is rambunctiously reeling with arduous anger.

When Mayor Sullivan asked Okrafelli why her group is making its displeasingly dreaded demands she replied that it is extremely embarrassing to have salmon openly mating in front of hundreds of elderly folks; impressionable, unmarried, women; and young children.

Mayor Sullivan pointed out that the citizens of Anchorage are a hardy bunch and they do not really mind. Okrafelli pointed out that she was talking about the salmon.

President Obama was contacted by Ms. Okrafelli who explained the matter to him and asked him to intervene in the salmon mating ritual situation. President Obama hung up on her and blocked her number.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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