Written by Aspartame Boy
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Tags: Banks

Friday, 8 June 2012

PARKER, Colorado - Joe the Soda Jerk, of Woolpuke's Drugs, had explained to a large crowd of reporters Saturday, 31 January 2009 , exactly what was going on in the banking world under the opaque TARP - where the money was really going.

"Let's say your a banker. You make money by sticking a straw up people and sucking out what ever is inside, aspartame, blood, whatever they got.

"Well, one day, you get it all. But do you stop sucking? No. You keep sucking even when it makes that loud noise. You keep sucking until the people cave in. That loud noise is people screaming, and dying.

"Then what do you do?

"You can't get anymore out of them, so you make their government sign papers so you can do it to their kids too.

"Because, you have to have more and more and more. Why? All Madoff schemes require it.

"More and more and more, even when it is all gone. Especially when it is all gone, or you are exposed.

"And if there is no more, you make the Government create more, just for you. If they do not, you threaten them with martial law, because you control the government. They don't control you.

"It's great to be a banker."


That was then. This is now. This is what Joe the ex-Soda jerk has to say now:

"Yeah. I was wrong. It really is not that complicated. It works like this see. The banks never run out of money. They own the money. It is big club. When a bank starts to run out, they just send for more money. The only thing is, if you want to be in the club, you have to do what Mr. Big, the big boss of all the banks, tells you to do. Like go to war. Raise interest rates. Lower interest rates.

"If you don't do what you are told? No more funny money. You start to die. Like Greece. So it's simple. Do what you are told by Mr. Big. He will stuff your pockets with money. You will get a loan and buy a house. Then, he will suck up all the money. And guess what? Your house sticks to the money. No more house."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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