Written by walter
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Sunday, 27 May 2012

After 5 consecutive days, I learned my girlfriend was about to leave the hospital, so the account had to be settled. During these days, a friend, feeling sorry for me said, 'You must be an idiot to pay the cost of the operation. Silly boy, a crime has been committed, and the criminal has left the scene, and there is no law to protect us, citizens. Why should you pay the cost?'

I was baffled. How could I avoid paying? He said, 'Find a loophole. Like taxpayers. Why should you spend all your lifelong savings and pass'm to doctors who own the hospital? People in power need doctors. They believe doctors can keep'm alive forever. Doctors have everything they need. Doctors bleed their patients. The fees they collect have become so huge that super computers need to truncate the figures. They don't know what to do with their money. They have become builders, hospitals. Wonder if 'rob the rich to help the poor' is communism or Robin-hood-ism? Was Robin Hood a Marxist or vise versa?'

OK. I had turned in all my savings. This public funded hospital wouldn't accept our health insurance. I was really pissed off. The friend said, 'That's what I mean.' He continued:
Now, listen. Someone did what I'm gonna tell you and got all his prepayment back. What you need is simply go to the magistrate's court and file a petition. Of course, you need to grease the clerks' palms. Then wait and see what happens.

Although I'm not good at it, I went to the court; waited for the signal; passed an amount equal to a few dollars. Then, the clerk, called the court's sort of bailiff and told him to go with me and interrogate the patient! What bailiff said was disappointing: I am busy right now with the previous urgent task. The clerk told him, 'This man is really desperate; his wife is hit by a car. We as the faithful god-fearing employees to the merciful god's court have an obligation to serve the benevolent god's oppressed people.' The bailiff agreed to postpone his urgent task! He told me to proceed and he would follow.

In corridors, he said he was starving. I, learning fast, told him, 'Don't you worry. I'll take you to the first eating place you chose.' Having eaten his food, he asked me where the hospital was. I gave him the address. Now, he complained it was too far-away. I assured him that I would drive him. He showed no sign of compliance. When he surveyed my face, he said there was no need to interrogate the victim. Enthusiastically I asked, 'How?' He calmly explained that I could impersonate the patient. At loss, I asked if it was possible.

He asked me to answer his questions, such as identity etc. This went on for a couple of minutes. His key question was 'Describe what happened.' I remembered what my girlfriend had told me. I, additionally, added such information as the color, make of the car and the probable age of the driver etc, without being able to give him the license plate number. Finally, he signed the police report and statement. I paid him a few dollars and we both returned to the court. I asked if it was alright for both of us to go back to the court. He chuckle. I must have looked like a fool. He assured me not to worry.

He was right. The court clerk put his seal on the 2-page report and gave it to me. I said, 'That's it?' He replied, 'That's it'.

Doubtfully, I took the statement to the accounting department of the hospital. The guy darted a glance at the report. Found my account and finally gave me a clearance statement and all the money I had deposited with the hospital. I hurriedly wheel-chaired my girlfriend out of the hospital, fearing they might change their mind and went home. It seemed I had won a million-dollar lottery.

It was at this time that we both remembered the towed away car.

(To be continued)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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