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Monday, 21 May 2012

MYLITTLEPO, NY (Acme Quicknews) -- Many TV networks, including the Acme Network, made a petition for films that show the internal organs like some horror and cannibal films to be given an X rating, or disqualified for public viewing.

During the press conference headed by three news anchors from three different TV networks who started the petition, namely, Otis from BarnTV's "Dateline at the Farm", Rocko from Acme's "Rocko's Quicknews", and Cassandra the Dog from Mei's "The Universe Tonight with Cassandra and JL", reporters from different networks asked them a mountain of questions related to the petition.

Parts of the Presscon Transcript:

AGATHA (reporter of Wiccan Broadcasting Network): Why do you plan this petition? What is it for?

ROCKO: Not all people are suited to these kinds of films. What if someone not used to gore things just passed by, then saw the internal organs removed from a corpse? Ewww. Now someone is harmed. We believe that if we were responsible film-makers, if it harms none, we make it.

AGATHA: Are you a Wiccan, Mister Rocko?

ROCKO: I'm private regarding my religious beliefs.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM (reporter of Adventure TV): Mister Otis, I need your answers to the same question that Agatha asked.

OTIS: It should be censored. Even news programs blur it.

PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM: Then why not just let the editors "blur" it?

OTIS: First, it will be obvious, thanks to those biology lessons in high school and college. Second, they're too lazy to blur it, or so I'm told.

SCOOBY-DOO (host of Good Morning Scooby): Lady Cassandra, I want to ask the same questions. Just don't bark at me, please. (Audience laughs.)

CASSANDRA: I would have the same answers as Rocko's.

ROCKO: (whispering) Come on, you cute-nosed dog, in your own words!

CASSANDRA: Anyway, I remember now. In the case of horror films like "Mirrors," wherein the jaw falls too low when looking at the mirror, children can't sleep out of fear, then avoid looking at the mirrors at home. Such gross things are not worthy for children and the faint of heart. That's all.

SCOOBY-DOO: Thanks for the answers, my lady, I might give you a box of Scooby Snacks after this presscon. (Cassandra smiles)

In an interview in "Hot Issue with Heffer the Bull," Red Aye, a horror filmmaker, stated that this petition violates the bill of rights and will result in a big loss of income in the film industry.

The petitioners had to consult the film-makers regarding this matter.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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