Written by Mark Garrison
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Tuesday, 13 February 2007

I am outraged by the type of filth that you have allowed to fill our televisions screens tonight. I was sitting at our couch with my wife and children when my wife made the decision to keep the channel on your vile, despicable program, the "131st Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show."

Now I understand that it's a school night and my family and I should probably be out watching a G rated movie, but we made what we thought was a wise decision to stay home and watch some"family programming."

Imagine the shock and horror on my family's faces when your host began discussing how he "had the pleasure" of having a "young bitch" in his house for the last two months that "was exactly what a bitch of that type should be."

How in the world am I supposed to explain to my son, who just barely learned about s-e-x, and a four year old girl about your perverted host keeping an innocent woman in his house and doing unspeakable things to her? Imagine the pain in my heart when my son looks at me and asks, "Daddy, why did he keep a bitch in his house?"

I guess it is up to USA Network as to when my innocent young children get to learn about the detestable, perverted people in this world that we live in! Just when I thought your sleazy show was done teaching my children about "bitches" and "cockers", the host begins telling the story of how he once had a "very submissive 15 year old bitch" in his back yard that was very "cute."

As of right now, after my family and I finish vomiting, we are boycotting USA Network and will be advising all of our friends, relatives and neighbors about your vile television programming. I hope you are happy with yourselves. What's next? Doggy porn? How about Animals gone wild in Aruba? Or unedited puppy spring break? You make me sick.

Screw You,
Mark Garrison

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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