Written by Backandtotheleft
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Friday, 11 May 2012

image for Brad Pitt's Problem The Red Ring of Death. A euphemism for Brads credibility

Brad Pitt has been unveiled as the new face for women's perfume Channel NO 5. Brad decided to sell off a little more of his credibility to another soulless brand after he realised Angelina had his balls mounted on the wall of her trophy room and he remembered he was in fact a bitch. Brad had tried to fool the men in the world into thinking he was a real man by growing a beard and getting caught smoking Hash but this latest act of poncy-ness has ruined his tough guy image.

Back and to the Left news managed to score a quick web cam interview in the few minutes Angelina had left the room. From what we could tell during the daylight hours (if he is not working) he is chained to a radiator in his special room. His diet is one of leftovers and sedative pills.

BATTL "So Brad how come your now shilling Channel NO5?"

Brad "Well it was too good a opportunity to miss to be the face of the most famous brand of perfume in the world."

BATTL "It just seems a little strange to us that's all."

Brad "Why?"

BATTL "We thought by now you would have had that much corporate cock up your arse a bell end with the Pepsi logo would be popping out of your mouth."

Brad "I..er...that's offensive..."

BATTL "So are overpaid celebrities telling us to buy products we don't need with money we don't have"

Brad "You don't have to buy the product just because I say so...."

BATTL "We know that, you know that but there are millions of retards that think just because Kate Middleton uses a certain brand of toilet paper that's coated in seal blood than they have to as well. People are stupid and you and your mindless advertisements are taking advantage of that."

Brad "Look I don't think-"

BATTL "We know you don't fucking think! You just do and then we follow like good sheep. You make us sick!"

And that was the end of the interview. We felt we learnt a lot from one of the most respected actors in Hollywood, while we like to think he might have learnt something from us as well. Back and to the Left are disappointed in Brad (we deeply believe that men shouldn't advertise anything but beer and cigarettes because they are cool) we can't see John Wayne or Marlon Brando endorsing a woman perfume.

What's next Steven Segal branded tampons?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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