Written by Brett Taylor
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Monday, 7 May 2012

The Spoof's limericks column has been popular with lad readers, but criticism has come from certain other quarters over what some perceive as sexist elements. In the interest of fairness and constructive criticism we present what we are told will be a humorous and thoughtful rebuttal from Val-Grace MacDorkin, a prominent spokesperson on women's issues:

You've come here for dirty humor, haven't you? That's your male idea of entertainment. Well, here you go. A limerick.

There once was a lad from Northbury
Whose member was really quit huge.
So I cut it off! Ha!

Choke on that, male scum!

You will notice that my poems contain no rhymes. The rhyme is a male construction that attempts to tame the femininity of natural language through the masculine system of dominance through rigid rules.

Now that you have come here expecting cheap humor, I will assail you with my manifesto. This is a common trick the male pig always falls for. The male is always sleeping, therefore easily tricked. The Womyn's Movement is a switchblade in the night with an eye at the top, an eye that never closes, lest it cease to cut the male throat.

In the glorious Womyn's Future of Tomorrow, all male shapes will be banned and all female shapes will be exalted. All houses will be completely round, and of course houses will float by then.

The word female will unfortunately have to be done away with, as it contains the unfortunate word male. Some prefer the word femme, but this word has quite a lot of the letter m, with its uncomfortable connotations of maleness.

Animals who exhibit a phallic appearance will be terminated. Dolphins will be bludgeoned to death or hanged in a public square. As for sharks, they have a rather ambiguous appearance. Their shape is phallic, which immediately marks them as phallic creatures. Yet, on closer examination, their enormous mouths are extremely vaginal. Their sexuality has yet to be determined. So they will not be exterminated at this time.

All male babies will have their genitalia removed and mutilated at birth. If they wish to live upon adulthood they will be allowed to do so only as long as they agree to walk on all fours and to never talk.

Eventually we will free ourselves from men altogether by taking spaceships into the spiral nebulas, where no men will dare.

This future transformation is expected to take place sometime near the year 3055.

Keep reading for The Spoof for more of the sexist, degrading humor you love so much. Keep reading, never guessing that your time is almost near.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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