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Friday, 27 April 2012

image for Bartholomew Utterswaithe Interview: Teenagers & Web Porn They have a great housewife section! I'm told.

26th April 2012 The Nottingham Pickpocket Supplement

The Bartholomew Utterswaithe Column

This week, I've been out on the streets of Nottingham, to get peoples views about:

Should teenagers be stopped from looking at porn on the web?

A matter of great concern for many parents and shoplifters locally.

The first person I interviewed, as he came out from the Deltalove Adult Shop, at 147 Radford Road, Radford, Nottingham, Nottinghamshire, NG7 5EH, was Dick Head (64) an out of work Big Issue seller, who commented when asked, 'Should teenagers be stopped from looking at porn on the web?'

"No I don't think so. It's a personal choice innit? In my day all we had was Tit-Bits, Parade, Health & Efficiency, and Penthouse.. but that was expensive Penthouse, and Parade had better knockers. Come on, if you wus to choose between oglin' the new 'Casual sex UK' site, bringing swingers, fetishists, doggers, swingers and singles together, who advertise themselves with photos and videos of umselves in the nude, or watchin' snooker...? Eh?"

He scratched his lower regions and continued:

"There's 'british-girls.fun' that offer a decent mix of porn, un betweenlegs.web, a good mix of fetishes, but no preview photo's though. tranniesurprise.sic is eye opening, and..."

He stopped momentarily to adjust his underpants, and carried on:

"I like that tivia site, cause you can do a search fer particular fancy like, young, old, gays, lebbos, and such stuff yer see, so who can blame the kids, it's so readily available innit?"

I thanked him and finished taking notes of the addresses.

I thought it best if I went home straight away to validate those addresses.

I've been on the web now for two days and three hours, and hope to have my full report finalised for the column later this year, after I get my new 3-d glasses.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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