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Thursday, 5 April 2012

image for 20 Different Management Styles Explained - with examples A combination of styles all his own - crooked, nepotistic, snotty, uncaring and cruel yes, but all his own!

1)
Managing by walking faster than the employees:
You will usually always see these kind of managers in the corridor, ten steps away. "We'll have to talk" you can hear them say, just as they have disappeared around the corner!
Management Examples:
Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, David Cameron, Margaret Thatcher, Road Runner.

2)
Managing by staring out of the window:
These managers you usually meet with their backside faced to you with their hands in their pockets. When you talk to them, their thoughts keep staring out of the windows.
It is expected that you will understand the grunts that emit form their voice-boxes.
Management Examples:
Gordon Brown, Adolph Hitler, David Cameron.

3)
Managing by post-its®:
Some managers forget everything. They want to impress you with their 'busy'ness by continuously writing on post-its® while you are talking.
Management Examples:
Michael Foot, Benito Mussolini, Ed Miliband.

4)
Managing by delegation to the secretary:
These managers just delegate everything to the secretary, who they later blame for anything that goes wrong.
Management Examples:
Gordon Brown, William Hague, Harold Wilson, David Cameron, Tony Blair, Joseph Stalin, Napoleon.

5)
Managing by knowing nothing:
These managers don't really know anything at all. They let you give answers. Meanwhile they fill the time with irrelevant anecdotes, picking their noses, passing wind, whistling, smoking cigars and watching the porn channel.
Management Examples:
William Hague, Kenneth Clarke, Antoine Zahra, Joseph Stalin.

6)
Managing by conceptual thinking:
These people try to explain the present from a theoretical view of the far future. The idea that this never will work, completely satisfies them. They will always have something to talk about, to alleviate their inability to master the art of actually doing something successfully!
Management Examples:
Nick Clegg, Benito Mussolini, Jo Grimmond, Jeremy Thorpe, Neil Kinnock, Ed Miliband, John Major, Edward Heath, All British Leyland chairmen.

7)
Managing by hiding information:
Information hiders are aware of the market value of strictly secret kept information. You must be very thankful to get any information at all, and you usually only this when it suits the advancement or pocket of the said leader!
Management Examples:
Tony Blair, Adolph Hitler, Benito Mussolini, Joseph Stalin, Mao Tse-tung, Charles De Gaulle, Robert Maxwell, Ed Miliband, Gordon Brown, Jeremy Thorpe, Bank Managers & Executives, UN Presidents: (those with name we can pronounce) Haya Rashed Al-Khalifa, Srgjan Asan Kerim, Miguel d'Escoto Brockmann, Ali Abdussalam Treki, Joseph Deiss & Nassir Al-Nasser.

8)
Managing by doing exactly what the boss says:
These managers prevent their bosses from creative thinking. Else they have more work to do. But they are adept at fiddling their expenses.
Management Examples:
David Cameron, Nick Clegg, Ed Miliband, William Hague, George Osborne, David Chaytor MP, Eric Illsley MP, Elliot Morely MP, Jim Devine, MP, Lord Taylor of Warwick MP, Baron Hanniford Paukl White MP... oh too many to mention!

9)
Managing by walking one foot behind the boss:
In hierarchical organisations you can watch those groups walking in the corridor. The more equal managers are directly followed by the lesser equal managers, and so on.
Management Examples:
Tories, Labourites, Lib-Dem's, Benefit offices, Libraries, etc

10)
Managing by smiling and wearing nice suits:
If you drink beer with them, lunch with them, smile to them and also wear nice suits, and nothing can stop your career anymore!
Management Examples:
Tony Blair, William Hague, George W. Bush.

11)
Managing by studying:
Despite their continual attendances of all kind of studies and Eton, they still belong to category 5. The longer they learn, the further they get from the reality.
Management Examples:
Nick Clegg, David Cameron, Oliver Letwin disgraced MP, Alexander Boris Mayor MP, Alexander Frederick Douglas-Home PM & MP, Douglas Martin Hogg, 3rd Viscount Hailsham PC, QC MP, Henry Campbell MP, Arthur Nicholas Winston Soames MP, Hugo George William Swire MP, amongst others.

12)
Managing by creating vague overhead sheets:
Do you know them? Those sheets with some big arrows, boxes or circles? These sheets provide the ultimate proof of their overall brilliance.
Management Examples:
Nick Clegg, David Cameron, Oliver Letwin disgraced MP, Alexander Boris Mayor MP, Alexander Frederick Douglas-Home PM & MP, Douglas Martin Hogg, 3rd Viscount Hailsham PC, QC MP, Henry Campbell MP, Arthur Nicholas Winston Soames MP, Hugo George William Swire MP, amongst others.

13)
Managing by open door and empty room:
This is a major improvement of the older 'open door' management style. Now you can really walk in and out anytime you want. Nobody ever knows where these managers are, what they are thinking, planning or liable to do next!
Management Examples:
Ed Miliband

14)
Managing by speaking with other managers:
This kind of managing is very popular. It will give them within a few hours the same information as an employee can tell them in 15 minutes.
Management Examples:
David Cameron, William Hague, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, Nick Clegg... and so on.

15)
Managing by having a non supporting infrastructure in an organisation with a hopeless infrastructure:
Managers are really necessary. These managers will naturally prevent the organisation from having a better infrastructure.
Management Examples:
All political party leaders of the UK.

16)
BUA Management Style: (by using abbreviations)
This management style is atrasacwoc (adopted to reach a shorter and clearer way of communication). Polari being an example.
Management Examples:
William Hague, Tory MPs, Nick King, Matthew Sephton, Simon Nayyar, Mark Coot, Iain Stewart, Nick Boles, David Gold, Margot James, Alan Duncan, Greg Barker, Nick Herbert, Ruth Davidson etc Labour's MPs, Nick Smith, Waheed Alli, Ben Bradshaw, Chris Bryant, Ray Collins , Cllr. Steve Reed, Peter Tatchell, Baron Peter Mandelson, Kirsty McNeill - political adviser and speechwriter to Gordon Brown, Ken Livingstone etc. Lib Dem MPs, Brian Paddick, Jeremy Thorpe, Bernard Greaves etc


17)
Managing by using buzz words:
These managers like to bluff your head off with hip, nearly undefined, neutral, non-committal terms and phrases.
Management Examples:
All of them!

18)
Managing by reorganisation:
If they think there is nothing more to organise, they will find something to reorganise and someone to blame when it all goes ape-shit!
Management Examples:
Nick Clegg, Ed Miliband, David Cameron, Nick Griffin.

19)
Managing by believing these managers must be spiritual educated:
Because they have no clues, no views, no ideas, no hopes, no interest at all themselves,.
Management Examples:
Ed Miliband

20)
Managing by forgetting promises:
If you remind them to one of their promises, the priority of that promise is too low to remember.
Management Examples:
Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, Nick Clegg, David Cameron.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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