Written by Inchcock
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Saturday, 28 April 2012

image for A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Five He made me a cup of tea, I got some crisps for us from the vending machine

A diary of one man's (Using the term loosely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947

Chapter 98: After a great night out

I was so proud when I was invited to a company 'do', and received my 'City & Guilds' in Fresh produce retailing certificate.

Unfortunately it was on a Friday night, after I'd just done a 15 hour shift at work, and had to be up at 0600hrs in the morning. But I enjoyed it so much, and my little chest swelled with pride.

A few drinkies afterwards were enjoyed, as I planned to get the bus back home.

Certificate safely tucked away in my briefcase, I managed to catch the last bus from Arnold to Nottingham.

I woke up in the cold darkness I found myself engulfed in, somewhat befuddled!

I could tell I was still on the bus as soon as I clouted my head on a grab-pole as I started to move around.

I got to the buses doors, and I could then make out the rows of buses and trolley buses in the Nottingham Corporation Bus Depot in which I was obviously ensconced.

I located and turned the 'Emergency Door' control switch, and jumped out of the vehicle, landing on the night watchman, who was as surprised and shook up as I was!

After informing him of my unintentionally falling asleep on the bus, he released his grip on my neck and gave me my arm back.

He took me to an office, and explained that if he was to do right, he should be making a report out, and informing the police as he had been instructed to do in such an event. We both agreed it would be best not to bother with that, and he made me a cup of tea, I got some crisps for us from the vending machine, and he called for a taxi for me.

We chatted about Nottingham Forests new signing Ronnie Reece and our 5-0 defeat at Burnley.

He let me out of a fire-door when the taxi arrived, and we parted cheerily waving cheerio to each other.

The taxi (3/11d = 20p) got me home, and I soon got my head down for an hour, before getting up and setting off for work.

As I arrived, and was parking the motor-bike, it dawned on me - My Brief Case!

I dare not go back to ask at the bus depot, for fear of getting the night-watchman and perhaps myself in hot water with the authorities.

I've often wondered just what happened to my C&G Certificate.

More Episodes of Woe to follow

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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