Written by Breeze
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Wednesday, 7 February 2007

image for Britney Spears sex tape reveals pop princess has let herself go Britney - no longer a fresh faced beauty

Oops...she did it again! A new sex tape released by sleazy ex-lover, Kevin Federline, shows an obviously out of condition Britney Spears, indulging in a sex act.

The shocking footage reveals that the once stunning looks of the former fresh faced songstress have been ravaged by her debauched lifestyle.

Although the pictures are, unfortunately, too disgusting to be shown in a family paper, we have managed to slip a transcript of the action past the censors:

The shaky and sometimes blurred footage starts with a sleepy Britney waking up in the morning and scratching her arse, before lighting a roll up and farting loudly.

Britney - Kevin, Kevin. Gimmie some chicken.

Federline fishes a box of Kentucky fried chicken from under the bed and hands it to Britney.

(Sounds of munching heard off camera as Federline's buttocks fill the screen and begin to move rhythmically up and down)

Kevin - Oooh...Ooff....ummmm....oh baby!

Britney
- D'yer want that last chicken wing, Kev?

Kevin - Oooh no, baby...ooohh....ooohh.

Britney - I'll 'ave it then, shall I?

(More sounds of munching, followed by a loud burp)

Kevin - Oooh...this is it baby...oooh

(Sound of newspaper rustling and can being opened)

Kevin - Ooooh yeah baby.......oohhh.

Britney - I see Madonna's number 1 again.

Britney - I hate that bloody Madonna

(More sounds of paper rustling and drinking noises)

Britney
- Uh..this beer's flat!

Kevin
- Ohhh...baby...this is it...uhh...uhhh..! Oops...I did it again.

Camera shows Federland slumped over Britney and breathing heavily.

Britney - Oooh..that chicken's gone right through me...I have to go for a crap.

Britney leaves.

Federline gets up and looks out of the window. Sounds of 'straining' can be heard off camera.

Britney- (off camera) - Christ almighty ........ gnnnnrrr...... gnnnnuurrr..... oohh... this is fuckin' murder on me piles.

To the sound of a flushing toilet, Federline is seen wiping his manhood on the curtains and eating a piece of fried chicken.

Britney enters

Britney - Oh for fuck sake Kevin, that was the last bit!

Camera fades out.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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