Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 27 March 2012

POLITICAL FACEBOOK

Rick Santorum: Hey Mitt how's your Etch A Sketch doing?
8:14 a.m.

Mitt Romney: It's doing great Ricky boy. Do you still really feel that if I ran against President Obama that Republicans should vote for him and not me, a GOPer.
8:19 a.m.

Rick Santorum: Do skunks stink? Is Lake Michigan wet? Does Lindsay Lohan have hundreds and hundreds of freckles? Of course I do "Hairdo Boy."
8:25 a.m.

Mitt Romney: "Hairdo Boy?" Well at least my hair looks like a man's hair and not like something you'd see on a Muppet.
8:36 a.m.

Ron Paul: Hey Mittens that was funny. Now that I think about it Ricky's hair does look like a Muppet's hairdo.
8:40 a.m.

Newt Gingrich: I agree. Except that it looks a lot better on Miss Piggy.
8:47 a.m.

Rick Santorum: Okay Captain Kangaroo. You and old Major Issue can stop ganging up on me. You're all just jealous as hell because ever since Rick "The Electric Chair" Perry dropped out of the presidential race I just happen to be the most handsome looking of the GOP candidates.
8:52 a.m.

Mitt Romney: Look in the mirror sonny boy. Someone has been lying to you big time.
8:55 a.m.

Ron Paul: No don't look in the mirror. You'll break it [*GIGGLE-GIGGLE*.]
8:59 a.m.

Newt Gingrich: And Rick, I do not look like Captain Kangaroo.
9:02 a.m.

Ron Paul: Oh yes you do Fig Newton. You really, really do [*GIGGLE-GIGGLE*].
9:05 a.m.

Rick Santorum: Stop giggling Ron. My goodness you're 76-years-old and you're a semi-respected congressman, you're not Joan Rivers, Ann Coulter, or Chelsea Handler.
9:07 a.m.

Newt Gingrich: Who the hell is Chelsea Handler?
9:11 a.m.

Ron Paul: I think she's that harmonica player that dated Santorum back in high school.
9:18 a.m.

President Obama: Hello fellas. How y'all be? Let me just say this. Y'all GOPettes just keep on lashing out at each other. Just keep on insulting each other from here to Sheboygan, Wisconsin. And then I will just waltz on in like Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Anna Trebunskaya of Dancing With The Stars. And I will get my wonderful self re-elected, and that's what I be talkin' about, uh huh, fa shizzle my nizzle my right sided amigos.
9:24 a.m.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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