10. Beeper in helmet that tells me defensive guy close behind me
9. Instead of a solid gold chain around his neck, he demanded a gold bolt through his neck.
8. Hold off all Tickle-Thons in the locker room, after a victory, until I leave.
7. No more towel-snapping in the locker room. Somebody's going to lose an eye!
6. No more "If that had been Eli" comments.
5. Center must wear rubber underwear.
4. Use a substitute QB when it's third down and fifty!
3. Receivers quit telling defensive backs "Yo Mama insults!" so loud I can't make myself think.
2. Two 500-pound offensive guards. (Who do not use Right Guard)
1. Permission from President Obama to use trademark "It's not my fault!"