Written by JAB

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Monday, 26 March 2012

image for Santorum's "The First Book of Rick" THE FIRST BOOK OF RICK

SCRANTON, PA --- A staffer to Republican Party presidential primary candidate, Rick Santorum thought it was only an Etch a Sketch he accidently left in a cab. Only, after entering the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company where his boss was to give a speech did he realize it was Santorum's entire 'playbook' for what he would do if elected President of the United States.

Taxi driver, Julian Assange (no relation), a Ron Paul supporter, plans "…to leak the documents gradually, till August if necessary."

Mr. Assange released an excerpt from "THE FIRST BOOK OF RICK."

MONDAY: Restart the Crusades (1 Tim. 1:18, 19)

TUESDAY: Sanctions against Canada for their support of Universal Health Care (Jer 30:17)

WEDNESDAY: Put the budget into surplus (2 Ki 12:4)

THURSDAY: Make English the official language of Puerto Rico (Cor.14:2)

FRIDAY: Ban same sex marriage (Prov 5: 18-19)

SATURDAY: Meet with Tim Tebow, Tabernacle Choir and Hallelujah Chorus (Acts 2:1-11)

SUNDAY: … and then he rested and listened to Genesis (album 14: track 2)*
* Jesus He Knows Me

The unidentified staffer is believed to be seeking sanctuary in Blessed Oliver Plunkett church in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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