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Sunday, 25 March 2012

image for Viagra Overdose In Goosey Holler, Kentucky! (Bluegrass #11) Sarah Jean & Ralph making an ass of himself as usual.

Ralph has spent most of his Crazy Check the first weekend in November and is badly hung over Monday morning at the Cement Garden Ornaments Emporium when Melvin drops by and toots his horn!

"Melvin! Quit that! My head's gonna splode!"

"I know that look! You went out with Sarah Jean and spent all yore money Saturday night didn't you?"

"NO! Oh my head. NO I didn't spend ALL of it. I got enough money to live on potted meat the rest of the month. Maybe come to yore house on Turkey Day. Plus, I got a SPECIAL on Snow White & Seven Dwarfs all month. All nine of them for thirty dollars. One good sell and I'll be fine. Tell all yore friends."

"You big idjet! Snow White & Seven Dwarfs makes eight!"

"Oh no! Lookee here. Snow White is one. Then there's Sneezee, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful, Grumpy and Snow White! Nine!"

"You got a Snow White at each end. Why don't you count yourseff as "Horny" cause that's what you waz Saturday night."

"Don't mention Saturday night Melvin."

"What happened?"

"Oh, I bought 2 20-millepede penis pills from an old chum at inflated price. Inflated price for a inflated penis. Haw! Haw! Ohhh my head."

"That's milagrams I thank."

"Yeah, those. Bought two. Then he sold me two pills that would keep me from getting drunk. See I had planned to take Sarah Jean out to eat and drink her under the table then take her to her house. There, I'd take the penis pills."

"So, why didn't it work?"

"I took the wrong two pills after we ate and began drinking. Got smashed and in a panic, took the other two. All over sudden, there I waz, barely able to sit in my chair, everything and everyone was blue..even the pink elephant. And Little Ralph was trying to escape my pants and turn over the table. I thank yore supposed to only take one adder time."

"Ha! Ha!"

"Shaddup! Oh my head."

"Which head?"

"Both!"

"By this time, Sarah Jean, who's beginning to look like a 200-pound Smurf, had to take ME out the door."

"Did she take you to her house?"

"Naw...she took us shopping! Used MY money of course. Finally, nothing was blue anymore."

"What color were they?"

"I don't know cause I was blind as a bat, wasn't I? Anyroad, she had to lead me around the store and she led me right into a store dummy and we had us a fight like you never seed. Course, I didn't see it either cause I was blind. Least the store manager ran us out without that woman spending ever cent I had. But Sarah Jean said she'd take me home but she wanted to stop and get something for her breakfast while I waited. Then she was going to take me home and bring the car back here yesterday."

"That's a wild tale. No wonder you hung over."

"Oh I ain't finished yet. Thar I waz settin in the front seat holding Sarah Jean's small bag of food fer her breakfast, blind as a bat and headed towards Sarah Jean's house, when my belly exploded...sounded like a shotgun!"

"Looks fine to me!"

"Not if you're blind and some old roll of biscuit mix blows up in yore lap! It got hot in that car and Little Ralph had kept growing and was pushing against the bag and the biscuits blew up with a mighty bang! OOOh Sarah Jean, my belly has done blowed up and I can feel my soft guts hanging out! Then I started to cry."

"Whut did she say?"

"She told me, Ralph, those are MY biscuits and not only have you ruined them, your thang has gotten loose and I can't eat my biscuits using that stuff!"

"No more dates with Sarah Jean?"

"No more dates with Sarah Jean...nor anyone else at the Good Eats Restaurant or Ruth's Latest In Fashions!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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