Written by jessica w
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Sunday, 25 March 2012

image for Anna Wintour Laughs And Yells "Dance Monkey Dance"

Women in general get way too excited about new trends. The euphoria seems to somehow make her forget the difference between ugly and stylish just because Vogue tells her "it's the latest thing". Now I'm not under the illusion that people have enough will power to go against the grain but it still bothers me when I have to bear witness to a 351lb man in green spandex. Luckily Vogue kept that lovely item off the list. Anyone want to sign the petition to remove the following:

Patterned Top and Bottom

Come again? I could have sworn that went out in the 60s. An ensemble consisting of patterned pants paired with flower shirts is a clear indicator of maculate degeneration or severe mental defect at the very least. This look doesn't even work on the coked out runway model. Now pair that with a spare tire and some keds which is what you'll see in real life. You are very welcome for that lovely mental image.

Day Sequins

This could work if humanity knew the meaning of the word moderation. A few sparkles here and there have the potential to spice up any Monday morning. Unfortunately moderation and tasteful are seldom spoken of and exercised even less. So Vogue, when you announce that trend, the only way to make it work is to banish all fully sequined get ups from stores and impose criminal penalties on those who exercise their right to wear the head to toe sequin ensemble worn in their dance recital 10 years ago to work.

Sleeveless Jackets…. Huh?
Before moving on I need to point out that I just found an entire article on "How To Wear A Sleeveless Jacket". Number one this is a vest. Number two if someone is confused by a vest or vest related "incident" I'd highly suggest running away fast as you can. Surely there are deadly toxins in the air if someone is perplexed on how to wear a "sleeveless jacket"

Yes there are more but I didn't want to overload myself with trying to comprehend it all. The only thing I can say for certain is that fashion editors around the globe are placing bets on who's prank on humanity lasts the longest.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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