Written by Bureau

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Saturday, 24 March 2012

image for Fire In The Hole At Goosey Holler, Kentucky (Bluegrass #9) Picture Ralph goes by but never quite succeeds.

Melvin is driving over to eat a plate of tacos after smoking some joints out in the middle of his wife's garden when he sees Ralph running around his Cement Garden Ornaments with his pants down and screaming like a banshee until he slams into a concrete item that looks like a big bee, knocking himself flat on the ground.

"What's the matter, Ralph? If there was anything chasing you, I can't see it. You must be messed up worse than me."

"Help me up, Melvin. It's that idiot son of my sisters. He ain't right. Well, Betty Sue ain't no genius neither so he comes by it honest."

"What is that thing you ran into? It looks like a big bee."

"Well. Last night I WAS messed up and I had this idear to make Andy Griffith and the whole Mayberry bunch in concrete. I just knowed that would sell around here. It's on TV six times a day."

"Let me guess. That's Aunt Bee."

"I'm afraid so. I told you I was messed up. That blue dinasore blowing on a stick is Barney Fife."

"And the big pink penis?"

"Pink Floyd the Barber is my guess. I can't remember. I guess I started that one thar as Little Opie but somehow I made Little Joe on Cartrights."

"I gotta go get some snacks."

"Tacos? Here's five dollars, bring me back some."

"OK. But why was you running round the place with yore pants down?"

"That idiot nephew of mine! See, I hurt my back lifting that big dinosore and I asked little Jimmy, my sister's boy, to rub some Soybean Junior on it. He spills the whole bottle and it ran down the crack of my ass with all those roids and..."

"Never mind! You gonna ruin my appertite. I'll bring you some tacos."

"And some talcum powder from the Dollar Store !!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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