Three months ago, The Spoof inaugurated it's offices in Germany. After, a week of total mayhem....err...I mean, total boredom, we hired our new foreign correspondent. His name was Ichspreche Nichtenglisch. The German folk loved his reporting.
That's why our CEO, Parodius McSpoofus decided to transfer him to our headquarters in California. And I, being the main editor asked him to cover a news report about a wave of fastfood mascot killing spree. And that's when I realized that this guy had the IQ of Yosemite Sam. He was, however able to go in deep underwear...erm...undercover and find more information on the story. And he came back in a day with a story title " Ich liebe Geschlechtsverkehr" which roughly translated to "I love Sex". As if the title wasn't enough stupidity for a day, his story was absolute torture. I will give you a better edition of his story.
"A frightened nearly foodgemeinschaft tries to come to the grasps with a wave from toetungen to which apparent only their own superstar procurementnesses aims. "I saw, said never everything like it," captain Crime McGruff, head of the fictitious letter Divison and line detective in the increasing case. "surely, we must racing fans and move made groupies, but murder now and then employ?! Who would do a thing to such? And why?" The increasing list the accident began some months ago, as the Taco Bell Chihuahua went missing. First none considered, but one found a small pile of the bones near the garbage container behind one of the positions of the restaurant. The CSI crime laboratory marked positively the bones, like, belonging Mr. T. B. Chihuahua. "DNA and tooth-medical recordings confirmed the marking," said McGruff. "those were indeed its eckzaehne." It is believed that one was drawn in unsuspecting public Mr. Chihuahua. The following found victim was king Burger. One to think that delivery would be away from the delimitations, but was even its sovereignty not against these moves made murderer immune. King Burger was found huddled in a corner of an old camp, which was referred first into an arson investigation. An official cause of death: Flame-roasted surplus an opened fire. "I grew mostly tolerantly and desensitized over the years to which the public normally repulsive would find," said Mcgruff. "however the grill marks... charcoaled the strips..." McGruff was not capable of terminating its note. The Spree of slayings did not stop with crowned. Those most loved Moderntagfast foodbuchstaben were the following greyful discovery, which was discovered during one father/son weekend fish journey. The head of Jack to move of CEO and found of speaker for Jack in D box Korporation, in the middle in San Francisco bay on and off jerkily. "first I, although it draws and to moving was, which helplessly one went," said not identified Fischer. "however, while we received close, it became obviously that it is, or rather was too large its, size for those." Face Mr. Jacks consisted of Xs for its eyes and a very short line, which were drawn for its mouth?both, which indicates that against the rules play is involved. The body was not still recovered, but the bay is trolled with the help of long John silvers fischereiflotte. Forwards and fair moments, a amber-colored alarm for Wendy was published, which had gone to miss one approximately hour in former times. The girl was snatched by the front yard of its condition. A normal white luggage car was seen with the partial license plate number of "?ETA 1 away to accelerate." These cases have nearly foodgemeinschaftsoberseite down turned. Ronald McDonald was wiped away into hiding. The speaker of a McDonalds wanted to insure the public that Ronald did finely and in the good spirit, which regards the consequences. The remainder of the McDonalds form was left repelling for. nearly foodanschlussrechtsanwaelte can in consequently be gotten. Officials say that they do not have lines or a suspecting at present, but do not paint different nearly foodgaststaetten without Maskottchen through, which can be jealous. These do not unlock in, but, Quiznos and Schlotzkys are limited. However a police officer in the case gave us a stating line on the condition to anonymity: "daily detectives gotten into a woman to be asked. The odd thing is concatenated that it marched to the right into the questioning area, at table and Ranting begun, ' he he, ho ho, is fish of friends and meat is murder! He he, are ho ho, fish of friends and meat are murder!... ' "this went hour long, said the officer, to it for the M"
As you can see, his English was...well....there's no word to describe it. Well, fortunately for us, a BLIND FOOL was available and he was able to decipher it. You can find the newest edition here. As for our foreign correspondent, he's currently taking English lessons [sponsored by The Spoof, of course]....