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Wednesday, 21 March 2012

image for All Our Yesterdays - Noah - "I'm Sorry, But You Ever Tried Rounding Up Dinosaurs?" "Catch me? He's Avin A Giraffe Innit?"

Palestinian man, Noah, a noted seafaring type of chap, who saved all the animals, by marching them two-by-two onto his ark as the world was inexplicably and surprisingly flooded, today apologised for failing to save the dinosaurs.

"I did me best," a tearful Noah told Skoob News. "But it was a tough call. Have you ever tried rounding up Tyrannosaurs? Or velociraptors? Or catching a pterodactyl in a fucking big net? It isn't easy."

To his credit, Noah's efforts have been universally praised since he repopulated the planet in the days before conservation was even a word.

But his few critics have been harsh.

"What's he wanna go savin' stuff like wasps, and fleas, and mosquitoes for?" said Professor Rankin Dredd, of Kingston Academy, in Jamaica. "Dem int no good ta man nor hanimal mon. Him 'ave bin better served savin' dem dinosaur tings an dat innit. Dem much more hinterestin'. Him could have made lotsa foldin' by openin' a big teme park an dat innit. Yer knaa wot I mean? People would have shelled out fifty pound ta see dat sorta ting. Ain't no man gonna pay fifty pound to look at flies and wasps an' hurban foxes an shit. Dee man had no bizniss hacumen aboat himsef."

To which old man Noah could only shrug his shoulders and say that it's more difficult than it sounds to catch creatures the size of twenty elephants, and mad things with big teeth which only want to kill and eat you.

"Besides which," he added enigmatically, "They'd have made me ark all wobbly in the water."

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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