10. "This is CA3! Charlie Alpha Three! No UFO's reported in the past 24 hours. Geronimo Amish Buggy! Repeat: Geronimo Amish Buggy!"
9. "I've had these HIC! hiccups for a week. Send someone over to scare me!"
8. "How long does it take for a 20-pound turkey to thaw?"
7. "Send a big officer right away. I can't get this lid off the jar and I've even ran hot water over it!"
6. "Bedbugs! Bedbugs! Emergency! BEDBUGS!!"
5. "Thish ish Larry over at Joes on Main. Sumbody stole my car. I need a ride home....never mind, I found it."
4. "You ever get that J.R. shooting suspect?"
3. "I've somehow misplaced my NCAA March Madness Predictions! I had all but two right. I bet Bill stole it. He lives behind that new mall..apt 45."
2. "Which actor played "Darren" on "Bewitched" last? Careful. I got a $20 bet at stake."
1. "This is Ernie Snell and they're after me again. No, that one you got last week was a real postman. Sorry. Now they're disguising themselves as little girls selling cookies."