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Sunday, 18 March 2012

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Well people 2011 is well and truly gone. We're finally free of a totally screwed up year of earthquakes, tsunamis, giant gyrations on the stock market and the usual Dr. Evil buggery from both the Climate believers and deniers.

The Chinese say that 2012 is gonna be the year of the 'Dragon'. I Les Patterson Junior, number one son to the greatest Australian since Errol Flynn would disagree politely with our American debt holding friends.

I believe that 2012 is gonna be the year of the 'Crafty Beggar'. With debts mounting, Julia and Tony's credibility gap expanding and Malcolm's blood thirsty grins widening, one can't avoid it.

You know the type. The Victorian era style scum-bag that slivers out of a dark crevice of Sydney or Melbourne and walks the streets with his hand out, asking for money like a 19th Century ghost from Dicken's Christmas Carol.

Speaking of crafty beggars I saw old Kevvie Rudd the other night. His ghostly visage was stalking Melbourne after what seemed to be a Foreign Affairs dinner at the local St. Kilda hotel. I don't know if he'd had too many and didn't notice that Chopper Reid had rocked up to tell the swanky types what he really thinks of journalists who spent to much time wondering how Kevin will get his old job back.

I can imagine Chopper giving Kevin a verbal lashing or two. Now there's an ex-con I can believe in! Chopper should become a politician. At-least he'd be honest about robbing you blind to pay for Climate Change and Pinko Batts. Old Chop Chop probably has to much self-respect to do that, but I digest.

As the hours march into days and days into weeks, the inevitable re-start button will be pushed on the political year and all you political junkies will return to your foetal positions in front of the computer screen. Waiting of-cause for morsels from the the King's Tribune Team.

My advice, as the Christmas Tree fades further into memory, Remember Kevin wants to knife Jools, Malcolm wants to knife Tony and isn't averse to the idea of using Joe 'The Ice Man' Hockey to get there. So this year is set to be a cracker! What else? Oh yeah, the London Olympics are coming and we all know what that means. Late nights up watching Channel 9's coverage with a brew-ski in one hand and a horn bag in the other.

Then of-cause there's the American Presidential elections. I was recently talking to an anti-disestablishmen-tarianist who supports Ron Paul. They reckon if on the off chance Ronald wins the nomination for the GOP I should get my pen and paper and hop my butt over to the good old U.S.A. It would be an interesting challenge to write a campaign diary about the Republican Party's '2012 Lamb To The Slaughter Campaign', but again I digest.

All in all the 'Crafty Beggar' is set to go off like an episode of Nigella Lawson's kitchen. As long as we can maintain Nigella's uncanny ability to stay focused on the food, it should be better than expected.

LesPJnr writes from a hovel in an undisclosed Sydney suburb that looks and sounds allot like Codgee Beach, NSW. He recently returned to Australia after serving 5 years in Saudi Arabia as a Journalist and Junior Diplomat. He can be contacted via twitter at @LesPJnr

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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