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Saturday, 3 March 2012

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Speculation is rife as to the plot of J.K. Rowling's new book for adults. Her first editor Barry Cunningham was unavailable for comment. Ian Rankin, friend of Rowling's and Scotland's most renowned thriller writer was also unavailable for comment. Geoffrey Archer was not available for comment either. Just who her present editor is remains a mystery. However, in a recent poll among the UK's leading Potterites, many of them journalists, the possible plots the famous writer might use were as follows:

(1) Female writer living in poverty for love her work marries dope addict and has her life threatened when she begins dating another man.

(2) Female writer living in poverty for love of her work hits the big time and is hounded by the paparazzi. One of them is a crazed lunatic who will stop at nothing to bug her phone.

(3) Female writer living in poverty for love her work is visited by the Virgin Mary and told to write Barry Trotter but decides to change the name.

(4) Female writer living in poverty for love of her work has her young daughter kidnapped by crazed former husband. Child is eventually located in eerie castle in Sardinia. Her kidnappers belong to a cult that has nothing whatsoever to do with the Freemasons.

(5) Female writer living in poverty for love of her work has major hit with first novel. Hollywood producer searches long and hard in nationwide competition for actress to play the heroine until finally, in desperation, he casts the author herself in the main role. She becomes a famous actress and Steven Spielberg shoots himself out of jealousy.

(6) Female writer working for seven years on an idea she once had on a train makes millions when her stuff is finally published. She gives all her money to Amnesty as she remembers only too well the long weekend of abject poverty she once endured in Edinburgh nearly twenty years before.

Commented Rowling who is unaware of the poll. "I am giving nothing away. I write only for myself but I can say there is lots and lots of sex in it. It is for adults after all... er ... I mean me. I am an adult too; I am absolutely sure, to tell you the truth, about that, for definite, absolutely."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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