6:00 - The Six O Clock Good News
Dominic Blatter presents the good news, for those who don't particularly like bad news stuff about wars, crime, corruption etc. The good news shows furry animals doing comical things, and old people doing crazy stuff like wing walking on WWI biplanes.
6:30 - Regional News, Dorking Today
Featuring an interview with a tramp, and a feature about viagra addiction, with Alf Starling. Today's guest jam maker is Starling's long term squeeze, Dora Cattermole.
7:00 - Country Paedophile
Documentary about the difficulties faced by a paedophile as he attempts to make the awkward transition from an inner city sink-hole estate to a picturesque Gloucestershire village.
7:30 - Constipation Street
In this week's episode, Ken is desperate to use the toilet, but evil step daughter Nellie has locked herself in the bathroom. Dora suspects she may be pregnant when she finally goes into labour, and Gay Larry has a row with homophobic corner shop owner, Deepak over the price of wine gums. There is also a teasing hint as to what Roy may be carrying around in his bag for life.
8:00 - Up The Buses!
Sit-com. Stan and Jack continue their eternal quest for crumpet. Mum burns some sausage rolls. Arthur is gutted to discover that Olive may be pregnant again, and Blakey finds himself in a desperate situation when his moustache gets caught in a bacon slicer.
8:30 - The Ted Volvo Show
More fun and frolics with the cross dressing piano virtuoso, stand up comedian, magician and animal trainer, ably assisted by his real life civil partner, the beautiful, and supremely talented Eddie Motson.
9:00 - FILM - The Shed (Sweden 2010)
Part one of sixteen. Jurgen Gurdlebinder's stylish drama depicting the lifespan of an ordinary garden shed, from manufacture to the sad day when the shed is finally dismantled and burned in the back garden. Filmed over a 37 year time span, tonight's opener, filmed in 1976, features young Eric, going up the shed with a stash of grumble mags and putting a split link in a broken bicycle chain.
11:00 - Interrogation Time
An ordinary member of the public faces an angry grilling from an audience of infuriated politicians, irate football fans, inebriated celebrities and insane fanatics with a murderous bent. Tonight's hapless victim is Geoff Tyler from Widnes.
12 Midnight - Shameful
Comedy drama set on a Manchester council estate. Everybody gets pissed, everybody shags everybody else, three people get shot, the pub catches fire and a gas leak causes an explosion in a tower block.
01:00 - Telepoundshop
Shopping via the telly. Loads of useless tat you don't really want or need. All for a pound. Presented by Clinton Smarm.
Programmes are subject to change at any time, as DTV reserves the right to manage this channel in any way we see fit. So there.