Written by Inchcock
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Sunday, 4 March 2012

image for Nottingham News for W/E Sun 4th March 2012 - with comments Sorry there are no patients in this photo: one jumped out of the window, one was set on fire, and one died mysteriously!

Monday 27th February 2012
Topic: Crime
Nottingham Anti-crime scheme expands its 'carrot and stick' method
Source: This is Nottingham
A new scheme to keep track of Notts criminals is expected to be expanded.

Almost 400 criminals in the county are on the Integrated Offender Management programme.

It initially offers offenders help in a bid to deter them from crime but, if that help is refused, officers monitor their actions closely.

This "carrot and stick" approach is thought by Notts Police to have helped drive down re-offending rates.

Chief Inspector Terry Smyth told the Post that police would like to expand it to include those responsible for serious violent crimes, including domestic violence.

It might also help if the Government wasn't sending 250 Nottingham policemen to police the London Olympics, leaving Nottingham criminals free to rob, mug, steal, and murder!

Tuesday 28th February 2012
Topic: Protesters
Occupy Nottingham's Market Square protesters served eviction notice
Source: This is Nottingham - Evening Post
The Occupy Nottingham camp has been set up outside the city's Debenham's store since October, inspired by the Occupy Wall Street protests in New York. They have been protesting against the depth of Government cuts, the influence of banks and a perceived lack of concern for issues such as the environment. But yesterday the protesters were told they would be taken to court if they fail to leave the site within seven days.

Campaigner Carl Freeman, 43, of New Basford, said the Occupy group would continue to demonstrate in the city even if the camp was uprooted.

"Could be interesting when they do evict them.. I'll miss them!"

Wednesday 29th February 2012
Topic: NHS
QMC death of young mum 'might have been prevented', inquest told
Source:This is Nottingham
She was taken to hospital at about 9am and died two hours later when she had a cardiac arrest caused by low levels of potassium.

Ms Bell's family say paramedics had been to see her twice earlier in the week, and they had told them she wanted to go to hospital.

But East Midlands Ambulance Service (EMAS) said the crews had no record of being asked to take Ms Bell to hospital.

"Horrendous and worrying - my heart goes out to the family"

Thursday 1st March 2012
Topic: Crime
ASBOs given to three men trying to steal from Nottingham parking meters
Source: News - Nottingham Post
Three men have been handed anti-social behaviour orders by Nottingham magistrates after attempting to steal money from parking meters.
The men, who are known to work together, used screwdrivers and small strips of metal to insert into coin slots of parking meters to try to remove money.

Leszek Lipski, 40; Miroslaw Kosmala, 53; and Marek Brandt, 48, all of no fixed abode have now been banned from carrying the tools and from tampering with parking machines.

Lipski was found guilty of two charges of attempted theft and two charges of going equipped for theft.

"Handed ASBO's? Bet that scared the shit of them and they wished they had not immigrated into England!"

Friday 2nd March 2012
Topic: Crime
Nottingham prison officer robbed his local bank to pay gambling debts
Source: This is Nottingham
A Prison officer has been given a suspended prison sentence after robbing his local bank.
Paul Goodson, 39, of Carlton, admitted taking £2,910 from the Lloyds TSB branch in Carlton Hill.

Ah well, it takes all sorts!"


Saturday 3rd March 2012
Topic: NHS death
Nottingham QMC death plunge patient had been 'confused' after op!
Source: This is Nottingham
A man who died after he fell from a fourth-floor window of the Queen's Medical Centre had been in a "confused" state following an operation to remove a brain tumour, his sister in law has revealed.
Joseph Tauya, 55, from Braunstone, Leicester, fell from the window of the hospital's West Block at around 1.55pm on Thursday. Eyewitnesses said staff held on to his legs for ten minutes to stop him plunging to his death.
Hospital officials have now launched an internal investigation into his death.

"Encouraging that is - I've got to in the QMC three times next week, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday! - 'Crrripes! un flippin' 'eck!"'

Sunday 4th March 2012
Topic: Crime
Arrest over Carlton cash box robbery
Source: Nottingham Post
A 22-YEAR-OLD man has been arrested in connection with a robbery outside a bank. The St Ann's man arrested remains in police custody.

A cash box was taken from a security guard outside the Lloyds TSB bank in Carlton Hill, Carlton, at about 12.15pm on Thursday.

A man, armed with what is believed to be an axe, threatened his victim and made off with a quantity of money.

Despite the arrest, detectives have renewed their appeal for information about the robbery.

CCTV images of one of the suspects show him wearing a distinctive top with light-coloured chevrons on the front.

Anyone with information should call Carlton CID on 101 ext 811 6635 or Crimestopers anonymously on 0800 555 111.

Another crime in Nottingham? I am surprised!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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