Written by Inchcock
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Wednesday, 22 February 2012

image for Age is a very high price to pay for maturity! This gent is wearing a cap like wot I do.

As I am getting older, more senile, and my health is deteriorating, I thought it would be nice to pass on some tips and advice for the youngsters while relating some of the happenings from my past, to help prepare them for the (if they live that long) approach of decrepitude.

I have lived (using the word loosely) in Nottingham for most of my pathetic life, so I suppose this guide to life will be of use to local ankle-biters only.

I was lucky in one way, the first words my mother used, said to the midwife, when I was born were: "I don't want it, throw it in the Trent!" (A wet river).

So I was aware of what was to come... too thick to do anything about it, but aware!

Age 13:
Started work.

Age 61:
Made redundant through no fault of my own from work.

Age 62:
Cancer of the prostate and bladder treated.

Age 63:
Went into heart failure, new heart valve fitted, Contracted Angina. Telephone line cut off.

Age 64:
Got Impetigo, Arthritis, and lost hearing almost completely.

So there you are... or rather I hope you will not be... just be prepared!

The author is offering a course on 'How to enjoy your lack of education and depression with ease and style' the cost of the full eight week course is 50p, which he will pay you on registration.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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